#may have also misunderstood the assignment
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
congrats on making it to the weekend!! after a long week i’m always in the mood for hurt/comfort, so maybe some hurt/comfort lawlight? feel free to disregard if this isn’t the vibe you’re looking for!
#death note#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#rough sketches#thank you so much for this#always love your asks because they're a little outside what i tend to gravitate towards#so here's my attempt at some yotsuba arc h/c#not sure i stuck the landing on the 'comfort' aspect though...#more like: l wonders if it's bad that your pet serial killer is in a state of acute psychological anguish?#sorry i'm over a week late on this#may have also misunderstood the assignment#😅😅😅
425 notes
·
View notes
Text
This... fills in SO many gaps for me.
One time, my mom advised me to "only eat when I'm hungry."
I went without any food for three days before I felt 'hungry' enough to actually eat something.
For years I would look at posts and questionnaires about neurodivergence that takes about being so focused on something that you forgot to eat and be like, "Couldn't be me. Being hungry is so uncomfortable! Your stomach is growling and cramping? How do you ignore that?"
Then someone informed me that neurotypical people have a whole bunch of "hungry" sensations before they get to that point.....
#true story#i did realize afterward that i may have misunderstood the assignment and returned to a standard 'breakfast-lunch-dinner' schedule#but it also solidified to me that maybe my interpretation of 'Hungry' vs 'Not Hungry' wasnt all that accurate#and that i probably should just stick to eating 3 meals a day at roughly the expected times for those meals to take place
61K notes
·
View notes
Text
theorizing
It's still early in the event, but I'm already trying to think about what Hot Topic Issue this year's Halloween event might tackle (assuming it follows the precedent set by GloMasq and Playful Land). Here's the theory I present to you: the conflict will be about escapism and where to draw that divide between fantasy and reality. Why do I think that? Because there are lots of parallels between our shiny new guy on the block, Skully, and us, Twst fans.
Book 7 presents a similar idea when Lilia and Malleus discuss the life cycle of Gao-Gao Drago-kun, how short it is, and how convenient it would be if the virtual pet could live forever in a fantasy world. In the same book, Yuu has finally found a potential route home... meaning an end to their story and their time in their current world. Read another way, it can be said that we, the Twst fans/players, are like Malleus, not wanting anything about our lives in Twisted Wonderland to change. We want to stay here among these characters we have come to love and grow close to, not return to our boring mundane lives in our original worlds... in reality. Likewise, similar points of comparison can be drawn between these themes and Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas, even as early as part 1.
Now in this allegory, Skully represents us, the average Twst fans. Here's the parallels I noted:
Skully is notably a first year, which matches up with the grade level that Yuu (the player self-insert/POV character) is assigned to
Skully attends a school where his peers don’t understand him or his interests. This mimics the experience of some Twst fans, who may be misunderstood even within the anime fandom. How many times have people joked “Oh, you like the Disney dating sim?”/assumed that Twst is cringe? Can you talk to fans of traditional Disney about Twst? Twst may be somewhat niche in your immediate area. Chances are, you have to retreat to online avenues to find like-minded fans. In this way, Twst fans may feel isolated or not understood.
He does not like to talk about school because he doesn't have many people who understand him, perhaps due to his eccentricities. Again, this may not directly translate to all Twst fans, but rather it can be very relatable to those who lack social connections and seek to fulfill that through fandom or escaping into a fantasy world.
Skully is an otaku for Halloween. And what are we, as Twst fans, if not also otaku?
He looks mysterious but has excitable reactions. The behavior reminds me of someone who can be very sociable online or in special circumstances but might come off completely differently in real life or initially due to how their face looks and how they dress.
The strongest parallel, however, is the fact that he, like Yuu (again, the player self-insert character) ALSO gets isekai'd... into the world of The Nightmare Before Christmas. And what happens in this world that Skully gets isekai'd to? He... 1) meets lots of new people--people that don't know him in the "real" world, so he is free to act however he wants around them, maybe even befriend them, 2) gets to meet his Halloween idol, Jack-sama, 3) gets to be praised by his idol, and 4) (presumably) helps out his idol with putting together this year's Halloween. THESE LINE UP ALMOST EXACTLY WITH WHAT YUU DOES WHEN THEY'RE ISEKAI'D INTO TWISTED WONDERLAND... Yuu, who represents you, THE TWST FAN. You, as a Twst fan, 1) meet and potentially befriend these new characters (and maybe even explicitly made an OC to act however you like in your place as the one meeting these characters), 2) hone in on your favorite(s), 3/4) hyperfixate on the intimate voice lines and the moments you have with your favorite(s). It's total wish fulfillment for both Skully and the average Twst fan. In other words, Skully will get lost in living the fantasy that is literally being transported into the world of his Favorite Thing Ever, just like we, the Twst fans, escape to Twisted Wonderland. In the book/Twst, you can be yourself or whoever you want to be. But what happens when that peace and comfort is about to be taken away? Perhaps that's when Skully will snap 🤔 refusing to return to his old life, where he was awkward and misunderstood... wanting to stay in this endless Halloween night forever and ever. Maybe he even tries to prevent the NRC students from leaving too, since he has now formed a friendship (?) with them? Like, he's trying to keep them trapped in this fantasy of his (very Malleus-core of him, honestly). Then it would be up to us to try and knock some sense into Skully, reminding him that there are things in the "real" world to look forward to as well.
Looking back at previous Halloweens, the conflicts presented usually tie back to something relating to the Disney counterpart's own identities. For example, Frollo (in the stage version) lost his younger brother to sin and pinned the blame on an entire group of people. Rollo lost his younger brother to sin and now seeks to eliminate that sin (magic) from the world. Honest John and Gideon worked for a shady guy and lured away children, even though they themselves were terrified of what would become of those kids. Fellow and Gidel are similarly forced to do this dirty work because they are so impoverished they need the job, even if their boss disrespects them. I think my theory about what Skully's whole conflict will be could work from this angle too. The character he is twisted from, Jack Skellington, is known to be somewhat naive and an idealist. Jack pursues Christmas with all of his undead heart, sure that it will return the "spark" that Halloween has since lost. This could be reflected in Skully, our twisted!Jack, in his desire to pursue Halloween--or, more specifically, this novel world where his passion is reinforced and he has a place in it. He would be naive to the world he snubbed in favor of this new one, deeming this new world superior (like how Jack thought the "new" Christmas would enhance the "old" Halloween).
as3gro8yvq ;ngqemf; KJLBFIsIFSLFS ANYWAY, that's my game theory 🙂 Not sure if it'll actually be this, but figured I'd throw my guess out there since my previous "lmao Skully will kidnap Crowley" crack theory ended up being shot down...
#or maybe I'm just talking out of my ass idk#watch this be completely wrong lol#twst#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#Skully J. Graves#Yuu#notes from the writing raven#jp spoilers#twst jp#twisted wonderland jp#book 7 spoilers#Lilia Vanrouge#Malleus Draconia#Sally ragdoll#Jack Skellington#nightmare before christmas#twst halloween#twisted wonderland halloween#Dire Crowley#Fellow Honest#Gidel#Honest John#Gideon#Gino#Ernesto Foulworth#Frollo#Rollo Flamme#twst theory
246 notes
·
View notes
Text
Kaito character analysis
Let's start light before I get more into the conspiracy theorist ramblings. in nsfw stuff I have read I feel like he is commonly misunderstood. I have read a lot where he is hasty, unemotional and self-serving... although I can see where hasty and lazy may come from but, think about: Kaito towards MC focuses on making her happy and although not always successful it is his main goal, BUT to write him as UNEMOTIONAL.
Y'all he is the most emotional of any man in the whole series. especially, in a first time headcanon post he should not be written as unemotional... we all know he would be crying and being like "MC you're such an angel boo hoo" and "I'm so glad I had my first time with you." he might be quick to finish but I think he would very guilty and put effort towards making it up to MC as soon as he was physically able. ALSO one thing I read he just was written as giving no aftercare,,, sorry am I the crazy one to say Kaito (most of frostheim) would be the most into aftercare?? His grandma always told him blah blah blah.. to him sex wouldn't even parallel to the aftercare experience, and tbh dude would be the one to need it the most. Tell me he wouldn't do everything the MC told him too and if was even slightly degrading to her he would be SOBBING afterwards all like "I'm sorry I said all that mean stuff, I know you asked but I don't believe any of it. You're SOOO NICE." You can't disagree with me yk I'm right. Okay.. I'm like trying to keep this part short but kind of failed. Obviously your head canons are what you're entitled to... just I feel like a lot of people admit to struggling to write him so maybe they'd preesh a post like this. HML if you want Kaito advice ig okay, admittedly this second part is a bit in-depth... like could be a reach but I have A LOT of evidence so hear me out. We all know Kaito hates being a ghoul and is considerably weaker willed than the other ghouls, he is also raised by his grandma. We can assume this because she is the ONLY family member he talks about (on the home screen and in the story) and the process of becoming a ghoul is intense right? Something that would be surprising if he regrets becoming one and is the big ol baby that he is. I think that Kaito's parents are the ones who made the deal, and they didn't survive. He was born to a poor family we know this because he talks about it all the time. SO my personal thought is he was born to a single mother who didn't have any funds to raise him even with the grandmother's help, so she wishes for greatness for her baby, and makes a deal with a devil to protect her child. Because we know he doesn't have the academics to get in Frostheim and he probably was not open about being a ghoul, it's a hoe-scaring quality. So I think he's basically got assigned-plot-armor-at-birth. and basically the demon could be kind of like how luca's monster is possibly his brother, and his mom's soul in entwined with a demon's (like a ghoul's would be) and basically they co-parent him which would explain why his stigma is so weak comparatively to other ghouls. this is more exploratory, but what I truly BELIEVE bare bones is: Kaito's parents are the one's who made the deal. That's it that's all I truly believe in and everything else is speculative. I just think it would be cool especially because I think the process of becoming a ghoul is left especially vague for this purpose. Hehe let me know what you think about this and other things that you personally think about kaito! I'm really curious about other fan's thoughts.
#tokyo debunker#tbd#TBD headcanons#character analysis#kaito#kaito tbd#kaito fuji#theories#TBD theories#fuji kaito#first of a series
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
— personal memoires (of the dearly beloved)
the library is quiet, dimly lit by a few burning white candles that cast a golden glow on the nearby surfaces. it smells musty but the most distinguishable feature is the empty shelf in the far corner, missing a particularly unusual series of books that would otherwise stand out among the thick fiction in the library.
reading these memoires will fill you with mirth, joy and conflict. you will see the stories of those who no longer walk with us, in worlds other than your own. do you dare to locate these missing memoires?
“welcome to kai’s 200 mutual collaboration event! thank you so much for 200 followers! as a token of my gratitude, i’m working with my mutuals to provide a series of fanfictions that are prompted by lyrics - personal memoires of people's lives that you may live through. now, should we start searching?”
— rules.
i. mutuals only for this event! ii. fluff, angst, platonic and suggestive are allowed but do tag your memoires appropriately for the minor audiences. iii. you do not have to use these lyrics as dialogue - it can merely inspire the memoire. you are also free to interpret these lyrics as you wish, they’re not assigned to a genre! iv. you are free to do as many entries as you like, the more the merrier you don't have to do only one prompt each! v. this event is closed! when you post your memoire, please tag me and use the event tag:
⊹ ࣪ ˖ personal memoires ⟢
— prompts.
i. “but does he really know me when the lights are on?” | he loves me, he loves me not. ii. “i’d give the world to you, ‘cause i know the sun, the moon, the hurt falls with you.” | eclipse. iii. “everything i used to love, decayed over the years.” | unsweetened lemonade. iv. “you’re too sweet for me.” | too sweet. v. “you got me misunderstood, but at least i look this good.” | we can’t be friends. vi. “i’m here, i’m there, i’m everywhere. but you can’t catch me now.” | can’t catch me now. vii. “the role of a king is a lonely one to play.” | lonely king. viii. “it’s okay if you can’t catch your breath, you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest.” | atlas: two. ix. “hold back the river, so i can stop for a minute and be by your side.” | hold back the river. x. “ain’t no prayer, ain’t no god, that could save us from our love.” | lovers in the dark. xi. “my love, are you the devil? i would worship you instead of him.” | the fruits. xii. “you are the best thing that's ever been mine.” | mine. xiii. “he did it all to spare me from the awful things in life that comes.” | murder song. xiv. “she’s talking to angels, counting the stars.” | waiting for superman. xv. “oh? did i almost see what’s really on the inside? all your insecurities, all the dirty laundry.” | unconditionally. xvi. “nervous, trip over my words. you’re so pretty it hurts.” | i’m yours. xvii. “i don’t want what you ain’t in, and i don’t wanna go unless i’m going there with you.” | my promised land. xviii. “there’ll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you.” | happiness. xix. “i don’t wanna lie awake with only you here on my mind.” | on my mind. xx. “do we look like lovers or partners in crime?” | partners in crime.
— located memoires.
i. located by @yaminohimeyume : prompt xii — aventurine x fem!reader | sfw, fluff. ii. located by @mei-sm : prompt xix — blade x gn!reader | sfw, angst. iii. located by @elatedfool : prompt viii — aventurine x gn!reader | sfw, hurt/comfort. iv. located by @amalythea : prompt i — diluc + childe x gn!reader | sfw, angst. v. located by @amalythea : prompt xiv — venti, traveler + kazuha x gn!reader | sfw, angst. vi. located by @lovingluxury : prompt viii — dan heng x gn!reader | sfw, angst.
vii. located by @xianyoon : prompt viii — wriothesley x gn!reader | sfw, fluff.
viii. located by @heiayen : prompt xviii — scaramouche x gn!reader | sfw, angst
— official playlist.
⊹˚₊‧───────────────‧₊˚⊹
© thexianzhoujade 2024. | reblogs appreciated | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
“They’re cute” (Daki, Mukago & Nakime || Request by @cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme)
𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: Mature
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Romance
➥ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭: Fluff || Hurt/Comfort || Dark fic
𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: ±9.5k || +12.1k || ±15.8k
𝐀𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭: 38 min. || 49 min. || 1h
𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: (Ume) Daki // (Lower Rank 4) Mukago // (Biwa Demon) Nakime x Human!Reader
𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦: Kimetsu no Yaiba
⚠ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Minor death (suggested & mentioned), Eating people (mentioned)/dead bodies, Threats, Blood, Severe injuries on the body (not Reader), Misogyny, Desecration of a human corpse, Larvae and flies, Blood, Falling into madness, Mental problems, Muzan's goal (Spoiler for: Episode 34/Chapter 67), Presented the character's past (from "Kimetsu no Yaiba Official Fanbook: Kisatsutai Kenbunroku 2"), Forbidden Love/Mutual Pining || NOT EDITED
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: Before each story, I have included words that may cause readers difficulty. I tried to explain them in text, but if after reading something is still unclear then look there. I hope I've done good research and haven't misunderstood anything - if you have more knowledge on the subject, please correct me.
➵ “They’re cute” Part 2/2 (Nakime)
> (Ume) Daki Masterlist
> Mukago Masterlist
➻ Little dictionary:
Yūjo (遊女, lit. "Woman of pleasure") - common prostitutes, they could be found in brothels (hamirase).
Harimise (張見) - a kind of brothel, where sex workers lined up behind bars around 6 p.m. to attract potential customers.
Oiran (花魁, lit. "Leading flower" or "First flower", comes from the Japanese phrase: Oira no tokoro no nēsan (おいらの所の姉さん) which translates into "My elder sister") - is a collective term for the highest-ranking courtesans/prostitutes in Japanese. Unlike yūjo, in addition to their sexual services, they were artists and were expected to provide entertainment. They were highly skilled in the playing koto, shakuhachi, tsuzumi and shamisen (traditional Japanese instruments), igo (traditional Japanese board game), dance and poetry. They also had to learn from an early age classic Japanese, calligraphy, flower arranging (ikebana or kadō) and the tea ceremony (chadō). In addition, clients expected them to be knowledgeable in scholarly matters, and so it was essential that courtesans had the abilities to carry witty and intelligent conversation and write eloquently. Their art and fashions often set trends among the wealthy and, because of this, cultural aspects of oiran traditions continue to be preserved to this day.
Oiran dōchū (花魁道中, おいらん道中) - the impressive procession with which the oiran moved, surrounded by all the entourage and servants from their seirō. Example of oiran dōchū.
Maiko (舞妓) - is a young apprentice geisha in Kyoto. The equivalent of maiko in Tokyo is hangyoku.
Okāsan (お母さん, lit. "Mother") - that's how the courtesans called the owners of the brothels.
Seirō (青楼, "Green Houses") - refers to the yūkaku licensed pleasure quarters - specifically Yoshiwara. The place where they lived. The term seirō originated in Chinese to denote a pavilion in which a nobleman kept a mistress.
Chaya (茶屋, "Tea house") - oiran place to meet clients and work. To call an oiran, the customer must use a tea house as a mediator, but not just only ask the tea house, they had to spend a lot of money there beforehand. They had to prove that they had enough money and power to play with the oiran. Then, they had the right to call for an oiran.
Kanzashi (簪) - are hair ornaments used in traditional Japanese hairstyles. The term kanzashi refers to a wide variety of accessories, including long, rigid hairpins, barrettes, fabric flowers and fabric hair ties. // Hana-kanzashi - are ornaments usually in the shape of flowers worn by maiko. Each month is assigned a different theme.
Kusudama (薬玉) - spherical ornament made of, among others, artificial flowers or paper (e.g. origami method). Sometimes long colored ribbons or threads are attached to it from the bottom. In ancient Japan, a kusudama was a bag filled with scented substances designed to scare away evil spirits and demons, mainly during the annual "Children's Festival" (Tango no Sekku or Ayame no Hi (Iris Festival)) on May 5. Today, this decoration is used during various ceremonies, such as the opening of a new store or restaurant. Sometimes it serves as a gift. Kusudamas is considered a precursor of modular origami.
Futon (布団) - traditional japanese bedding. It consists of a mattress (shiki-buton) and a duvet (kake-buton). Futons after taking out for the night from the wall cabinet (oshiire) are laid on tatami. After they are rolled up and put in the wardrobe in the morning, you gain free space in the room for the day, which can be used for other purposes.
Tatami (畳) - is a type of mat used as a flooring material in traditional Japanese-style rooms. Because of the fact that they aren't cleaned, you cannot step on them with shoes/dirty feet.
Shōji (障子, しょうじ) - is a door, window or room divider used in traditional Japanese architecture, consisting of translucent (or transparent) sheets on a lattice frame. Shōji usually slide, but may occasionally be hung or hinged, especially in more rustic styles.
Kimono (着物, きもの, lit. "thing to wear") - is a traditional Japanese garment. The kimono is a wrapped-front garment with square sleeves and a rectangular body, and is worn left side wrapped over right, unless the wearer is deceased. Oiran wore multiple layers of silk kimono and her outfit sometimes weighed 20-30 kg (44-66 lb).
Genre: Romance || Fluff
Word count and reading time: ±9.5k (38 min.)
⚠ Warnings for this part of the request: Minor death (suggested), Eating people (mentioned), Threats, Misogyny, Forbidden Love/Mutual Pining,
Numerous lantern lights illuminated the streets of Yoshiwara revealing to many people a new face of Tokyo - which, because of their bright red color, was often called the Red Light District.
For some, it might have been associated with big, ripe fruit on the trees or the sunset after a beautiful day, but for you, it was associated with a woman’s red lipstick.
In the air there was a strong smell of various dishes and spices that could make you dizzy, as well as brewed green tea from chaya. The night was filled with the sounds of shamisen played by geisha for their audience in okiya, where all sorts of people gathered to rest with their charms, watching them dance, but you didn’t count among them.
Walking down a street full of harimise - brothels with a view inside through the bars, where a lots of prostitutes yūjo were sitting and urging you to visit them by their beautiful looks - and some shops, your eye hung on the colorful paper windmills and various richly decorated hair ornaments exhibited at the stalls.
Since it was still February you could mostly see the hana-kanzashi depicting plum blossoms for maiko. They were meant to remind us of the imminent arrival of spring and were replaced in March into bright yellow flowers of rapeseed and daffodil, pink peonies and peach flowers, as well as multicolored, delightful butterflies, when their true counterparts bloomed on the trees.
All the ornaments were shimmered from the metals they were made of. From gold and silver for the nobles, and brass for the common people. There were kanzashi with one spool, two; in the shape of combs, and many of them had red-pink petals attached to them. From a distance, they looked so real and fragile.
There were also those with white kusudama balls in different origami patterns giving off a strong, floral scent of perfume. To them below were attached long ribbons and threads blowing freely in the wind.
For a moment, you were wondering if you should buy something for her, but you immediately remembered that you have little more just to meet her.
Besides, she had much nicer ornaments and none of them matched her beauty. She was like a rare flower.
And she’s not a child anymore, she would probably laugh at a cheap toy.
“Are you buying something or..?” asked the fat salesman, looking at you in surprise. He’d never seen anyone who look at a piece of colored paper and a stick with such a dreamful and wide smile on face.
“Um, n-no.”
Getting caught watching toys for too long with embarrassment and a slight blush, you put it back. The man just shook his head with a slight laugh.
“Ah, love!” he said aloud with understanding. “Love… it does strange things to people,” he added after a moment of reflection, turning his back to you and waving his hand, but you didn’t see it because you walked away from his booth in embarrassment.
Love?
Do you love her?
Yes, you enjoyed spending time with her and talking to her, but would you call it love?
At the very thought, your cheeks became warmer and butterflies appeared in your stomach, causing a pleasant tickling in your gut…
After a moment’s reflection, you would admit that you might like her a little more than normal.
But you know you didn’t call it love - or rather, you both wouldn’t admit it. Besides, this relationship would never stand a chance, and it’s not just because of her profession…
When you finally stood in front of the tea house affiliated with Kyogoku House, you checked your clothes to see if they looked good and you smoothed your hair, which was messy by the cool, night wind.
Thinking you looked decent, you walked into the lobby and caught the eye of all the people there. As always, you politely greeted the owner of this place sitting at a low table and two hosts from the aforementioned house, sipping tea together.
You were a little surprised to see them - normally they should be in their house and a lobbygow from the chaya would bring them your request to meet after a short time. Then they would deliver your letter to Warabihime, and she would reply by other messenger boy.
Oiran can’t contact any of their clients directly, nor can they contact her - custom didn’t allow it, so you all had to use lobbygow. It was a long process, but you didn’t regret any moment or a coin spent on it.
Also, you couldn’t meet her whenever you wanted - you had to first ask her permission (in a letter) and wait for her answer. She could always disagree. It was the oiran, who decided if they wanted to take the client, not you or anybody else.
But she’s never said no to you. And the attitude of the hosts to you after a short time from satisfaction turned into concern.
Regardless of that, with a polite smile and a bow, holding a letter asking for a meeting in both hands, you handed it to them.
So far, you’ve been her longest-lived client… and her only one - after a few meetings with you, she started automatically refusing other people who wanted to see her.
The host’s wife, a woman named Omitsu, more than once felt anxious going to the demon’s room to deliver a handful of letters, all of which would soon end up shattered on tatami.
She looked at her with irritation written on her face as if she were a disgusting insect and tilted her head slightly to the right in her characteristic manner.
It never bode well…
- - -
When Daki’s patience ran out, she threatened Omitsu, that the next thing she’d tear apart would be her guts, if she brought more letters not from you.
What happened between the two of you during those meetings? Did you put a spell on her? Or is she the one who has some evil plans for you? The owner of Kyogoku House didn’t know and was becoming more and more disturbed about it.
Not feeling right under constant stress, she ordered one of the newly arrived girls to carry the long-awaited letter from you, and the other to massage her shoulders. Warabihime only made her still worry and added her gray hair.
“I will do it, Okāsan,” offered Hinatsuru, because she was nearby and the other workers were too scared.
With a kind smile on her painted lips, she took the letter and went upstairs to the woman’s room, feeling the grateful gaze of the rest of the girls on her back. She could hear their whispers full of concern and questions like: “Will she be okay?”
She saw that something was up - she had been here for a while and had been keeping a close eye on all the Kyogoku House employees. So far, there’s nothing she could do except to not accidentally alert demon about her.
As she walked slowly through the corridors, she read the sender’s name and memorized it so she could tell Tengen if anything happened - the main Oiran was her most likely target, and it is necessary to gather as much information as possible to fight the enemy.
Who were you? One of the demons? A man helping her keep up appearances? Or did you know nothing about her true nature? Can a demon love? Was she really a demon? Or maybe a hunch confounded her?
But even she felt the terror beating from this room and the creature hiding in it. As she approached, she felt like a prey going to a predator for slaughter.
Even the most beautiful purebred cat won’t deny its nature and stop hunting mice.
She knocked and waited for a moment for an answer. Inside, she saw the beautiful Warabihime sitting by the mirror, whom she had already seen several times strolling down the hallway or looking at her from the balcony - she watched as she went with the whole long retinue of dōchū to the tea house to meet her client.
[Frist Name] [Last Name].
She always walked with her head held high and proud, as if everything around her belonged to her. Probably her position allowed her to do a lot, but in the same way, being an oiran meant limitations. Pretending to be human, too.
For Hinatsuru, one small evidence was enough. Any proof. Just enough not to report to Lord Tengen only her unconfirmed hunches.
She wished, she knew how the work for Suma and Makio was going. Maybe if she had better contact with them, she could figure something out. But if the demon noticed or suspected something, they could easily die.
Without even looking at her, Warabihime asked what she wanted while was correcting a red lipstick applied to her lower lip with her little finger. She looked perfect, just like a porcelain doll or a moon goddess. Pale skin untainted by any scar reflected the light of candles giving her a phenomenal appearance - even in incomplete makeup and without ornaments in the hair no one could deny her beauty.
“Okāsan told me to bring you this.”
Hinatsuru pulled a letter from the purple-white kimono hidden in her sleeve and waved it lightly in the air.
She saw the woman suddenly stop in her activity and focus her gaze in reflection on the rolled paper.
“Put it on the table and leave.”
She tried to pretend not to be very interested, but as soon as the paper door shōji closed behind the new oiran, Daki was next to the letter in a second. The rush of air dropped several layers of kimono, ruining the outfit she had just worn, but she didn’t care. Up close, your scent was even more intense, filling her lungs. It was like an aphrodisiac to her.
“Why are you so excited?” Gyutaro asked, scratching his cheek and standing over his younger sister.
He stared on her with letter in hand with a deep frown on his face, not understanding her. He recognized your handwriting, and while it was clear that you were trying to write nicely, it didn’t hide your unskilled hand and your lack of talent for calligraphy.
He had felt a change in the girl for some time and could see how she reacted to the very mention about [Last Name].
When other women even mentioned your name, she’d instinctively keep an ear out to catch as much of the conversation as possible or she’d stand nearby to listen for a while, although when he asked, she’d always deny it.
He wasn’t sure whether he should be happy she found a new toy or worry more. Ever since she started meeting you, she’s become… softer.
Messy.
Defenceless.
He would even dare to say dreamy. Her thoughts wandered unconsciously all the time and were always focused only on you. You were the culmination of her every thought. What did you do? How did you feel? Have you had a rough day? Are you going to meet her today? Is… is there anyone else?
She was no longer thinking about her previous priorities or gaining strength. It began to irritate him and frustrate him. So much, so that to get away from her thoughts of you, he began to leave her body more often. He couldn’t bear to see your smiling face engraved on her mind like a burn scar.
Daki, unaware of how great his dislike for you was, only turned her head to her brother, looking at him with joy hidden in green irises and a broad, but sincere and kind smile - he asked nothing more.
• • •
Did you know her brother? Yes, although at first he was a passive observer through Daki’s eyes for most of your meetings.
Personally, he thought his sister deserved someone better, 'cause you were really average-looking. He wouldn’t say you were ugly like him or above average beautiful like one person with colorful, rainbow eyes…
But he’d still judge you as a mediocre, who doesn’t stand out in the crowd. You were just average. Ordinary. If he walked past you, it’s very likely he wouldn’t normally noticed or pay attention to you.
That’s why he wasn’t annoyed by your looks, but he was jealous of your talk. You talked freely to his sister and often made her laugh. You’ve probably misled more than one girl with that kind of talk.
The thought provoked an anger that even Daki felt. She silenced him in her thoughts and tried to pretend that everything was all right, but she felt under her skin how her brother’s emotions filled her and how they crawled under her skin like little worms spreading all over her body. His anger was like an unquenchable fire, and he made her feel hot. Soon after, she felt the sweat run down her exposed neck and asked you to open the window.
The cool air from the streets of Yoshiwara was like a deliverance to her, though it didn’t put out the fire inside. She didn’t understand him. Where did this anger suddenly come from in him?
To calm him, she grabbed her hand and squeezed the garment more tightly with the other. That didn’t help. She could barely contain her own trembling and keep a cheerful smile on her face, although she was also beginning to get angry.
But her anger wasn’t directed at you. It was directed at him.
Oh, how much she’d want him to sleep through that meeting with you, like he used to.
Fearing that something would happen to you, she ended the meeting sooner than she wanted and slowly returned to Kyogoku House. People watched her colourful procession of many, both male and female employees from her seirō, but she was the only one who stole everyone’s attention - she was like a diamond. Beautiful flower among weeds and grasses. Although she usually liked the attention she received, today it was unbearably annoying to her.
Her perfectly smooth forehead was flawed by the folds created by her tightly furrowed thin eyebrows.
She tried not to step out of her role and moved with a slow dance step towards her present place of residence, although she could easily get there within seconds even on her black high-soled geta.
After she returned to her seirō and locked in her room, they even quarreled over it all. Very seriously and rough. Although it took place without much damage to the furniture, several other girls said they heard an unknown male voice from her room. Some thought it was just her throat torn from Warabihime’s (no one knew her name except her brother and later you too) screams and it was still her voice, other say that she was insane or possessed by evil spirits.
To avoid do something he might regret later, Gyutaro went outside while the night was still young.
He wandered through side and dark streets killing drunks and couples, looking for some privacy to pick on them and release the accumulated negative emotions, but nothing could improve his mood.
Anger flowed through his veins under his skin, triggering an increasingly strong desire to scratch himself, and he gave in to it (not that he resisted much). He do it so hard that blood started dripping down his forehead and clavicle - he didn’t care about it because he’d regenerate in no time.
Then among the sounds of people walking in the streets, the roar of machines, and the sound of his rough skin torn by his black fingernails, he heard your voice. He looked out of the alley with curiosity and saw you walking in the company of a black-haired man.
You talked to him about something gesticulating vigorously, although the conversation itself didn’t interest him. Seeing your movements and hearing the annoying voice, an idea popped into his head - if you give him reason by which you could make his sister sad, he’ll kill you.
The thought brought a wide, menacing smile to his face, revealing sharp teeth and capable of shivering the body of more than one experienced Demon Slayer.
He knew Daki would be angry, but you were the reason for their argument and his sour mood right now. He felt like with your disappearance, so would his current problems.
The rest of the night he followed you jumping on the rooftops of buildings and listening to what you were talking about - despite his dislike for you, he even laughed a few times at your remarks and comments. He also found out that the man in the brown kimono and tied hair is your close friend Kaito.
• • •
It’s been a few days since he started following you and got to know you better - he already knew how you make a living and what your routine looks like. During the day he hid from the sun in a nearby house (whose owners suddenly disappeared under unexplained circumstances) and waited for dark to fall, when he could again follow you like a watchdog.
He didn’t even notice when all the hatred for you burned out inside him like an old bonfire, leaving nothing but smoking residue.
He was no longer actively looking for faults in you, and followed you more out of habit and curiosity. But he still had mixed feelings for you - maybe not as negative as at first.
Although he wouldn’t admit it to anyone (even to himself).
Your friend would show up at your place sometimes with a carriage full of stuff, and sometimes you’d go out with him for drinks at a cheap bar nearby. It was a good opportunity to see what you thought of his sister.
Was she just one of many women for you to play with? Have you been seeing anyone besides her? Did you really respect her? What are you saying about her behind her back?
Thoughts like this popped into his head, but he wasn’t worried about hearing something bad from you about her.
But the words of a drunk are the thoughts of a sober, and with that thought he put his ears to hear you better, when your friend dragged you home. He hasn’t drink to much, because of the experience he’s had with you.
“Ahh, I want to go to Warabihime!” You were whining and trying to get away from your friend. It was a poor attempt, but it was difficult for the demon to judge whether it was alcohol or you were always so weak.
“You’ve been here last time and you don’t have money to meet now. Besides, you have to get permission first,” the black-haired man admonished you, tired of your drunken self.
“No, I wanna now! Let me goooo.”
“If you want to go to prostitutes go to some cheaper yūjo. There are a lot of them in harimise. No one will even know.”
Kaito casually offered knowing the rules of the pleasure district - after all, he used their services not so long time ago.
If oiran chose you as her client after three (very expensive) meetings, during which you tried to convince her that you were worthy of her, you couldn’t use the services of other women. Especially some cheap prostitute or some other oiran - it would be an insult to her, and although you know perfectly well that she would probably never know about it, you couldn’t look her in the face afterwards.
“No, you don’t understand, I can’t. I want to go to Warabihime!”
You still whined like a baby, but no one paid attention. You’ve already moved far away from the Entertainment District. You were surrounded only by low family houses and dark streets lit only by the light of a full moon watching you silently from above. He wasn’t the only one, although the other observer showed more interest, hiding yourself in the shadow.
“Is she really that good?” asked older man without even looking at you and suddenly got hit on the head by you.
The hit wasn’t strong, but it was painful enough that he suddenly let you go and you fell flat to the ground. The scene surprised Gyutaro so much that he stopped breathing, and he might even laugh, if he wasn’t shock of your reaction.
“What was that?!” Kaito asked, screaming in anger.
If it wasn’t for the sake circulating in your veins and spinning in your head, you could see the veins coming out of his forehead and his tightly clenched fists tremble. Your friend hated being insulted. Even as a joke, and now you’re overreacting.
“What was that supposed to be? What’s gotten into you? Are you… A-ah,” he said after a moment understanding and laughed unexpectedly. He didn’t expect that from you. Especially from you.
Yes, he was still angry, but he knew what oiran and other women of her type were like - they said many beautiful words and promised even more just to keep a well-paid client. Their living piggy banks. And you’ve obviously fallen for it more than he thought.
Not long ago he had been dating one, but when the first enchantment had passed he saw how much he had been deceived and trifled. No one has ever humiliated and ridiculed him like that woman had.
To this day, he can still smell her perfume reminiscent of peaches and kept the letters he couldn’t burn. He tried not to get drunk because of you, to walk you home safely, although he would love to do it.
He’d like to keep his mind off the time he was seeing her. To those brightly colored and sunny times with sweet feelings like her lips, and yet… fake.
He would like to forget her unique hair color, looking like the sun and and the deep black of the night at the same time. Throw out a strand of golden curls from her bangs. Forget her loud laugh and her sometimes out of control temperament, which he loved so much. Forget about these light brown eyes, which never looked at him with affection.
Every gesture she made was taught by years of practice, and every sweet word devoid of feeling - she was like an empty porcelain doll, and he found out too late. He always thought she was thinking about someone else, when she was with him.
He learned that she was playing with him by chance, when he heard another drunk man telling about his oiran’s great love for him and showing her letters for proof. Kaito would always recognize the scent of her perfume and her writing style.
However, he hoped it was a mistake and went to Ogimoto House to listen to other women’s gossip. All he had to do was stand by the window and he could have found out everything. The sound of their laughter and mockery directed at him hurt him. Those kind night ladies voices said such bad things about him that he just wanted to curl up and die in shame.
From that day on, he never returned to tea house.
But sometimes he stood near her balcony, when unconsciously his legs led him again towards Ogimoto House, and he would looking with longing and chest pain.
Against his will, he waited for her to see her feisty face with sharp features and small cute nose or silky hair again.
He saw a black crow come to her every now and then, and she’d pick up a letter attached to its leg. She then unfolded the red kimono and hid a piece of paper under it - he could only guess how close it was to her heart and who her lover was…
Sometimes, however, it was she who secretly sent the letter, plunging Kaito even more into dark despair.
Was he angry? Of course, he was. Even mad, but he couldn’t stop loving Makio either.
“All right, it’s fine,” he helped you get up and cleared your clothes. He understood what a wonderful feeling it was to love and be loved, but some of the flowers that grew from the seeds of that love were… poisonous. “Come home and get some sleep.”
Kaito helped you get undressed and put you in a futon. Your grey kimono (not so official, worn only because you didn’t mind destroying or staining it) he cleaned out the sand and dust of the street. The man decided open the window for you, so you could sleep better and the air in the room wouldn’t get stale from your stinking breath.
He was your good friend, but he treated you like you were his younger sibling (although you two were almost the same age). He was also your business partner - he would bring in goods from the far reaches of Japan, and you would sell it on the busy streets.
When Kaito left you had a strange dream - you dreamed that a skinny, grotesque figure stood over you like one of worst nightmares.
His morbidly yellow eyes stared straight at you through a veil of fat, dark green hair, piercing you through like daggers.
Even though you were tucked under a duvet and covered with a blanket to keep you warm, you felt like you were instantly getting cold - probably through an open window (through which the stranger must have entered) illuminating his monstrous face.
He looked like Death or a being closely related to it - did he come for your soul? Maybe he was just a seriously ill homeless man looking for shelter on a cold night?
The stranger was looking at you with a mysterious grin on his face like he wasn’t satisfied with something and was wondering about something at the same time. You felt like a disgusting insect under his judgmental gaze. The man scratched himself on the gray skin on his cheek, causing a rough chill on your back.
Scratch, scratch, scratch echoed across the room when you looked at each other in silence.
For a moment, the thought crossed your drunken mind, that you might be able to fall asleep when your eyelids became too heavy to keep them open, but then the he spoke in a hoarse voice.
“You annoy and irritate me,” his voice was loud in the quiet room like the sound of a bell. “But for some reason I can’t hate you.”
The gray creature leaned over you so that your noses almost touched.
The strands of his bangs tickled your forehead and a piece of loose material hanging around his neck fell on your covered chest. You could smell his bad breath stinking like rotten flesh and blood.
“But if you hurt my sister, I’ll kill you.”
The threatening words sounded like a promise he was determined to keep. Although you had no idea how you’d know his sister.
Still, you picked up something in his voice that made you think he didn’t want to do it. As a trader, you had to be able to read your customers, and that’s why you knew who wanted what, when they were hiding something and when they were honest with you.
That’s why you knew Warabihime was completely honest with you about her behavior, although sometimes she seems to want to show you more than she can. Something keeps her from telling you about her worry, that makes her seem depressed sometimes and she masks it with a gentle smile.
You never asked about that because you didn’t want to spoil the atmosphere and lead to unpleasant situations between you two.
After the man’s words, you were able to sleep. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol circulating in your body or the fear helped you, but when you woke up next day, you almost forgot the night guest. A slight throbbing of your head in the morning and a dry mouth only helped you remember what you were doing early in the evening with Kaito. You remembered the rest when you sat on the futon and saw a huddled figure in the corner of the room.
He squatted with his elbows on his thighs and his fingers touching the floor between his legs. He was so crooked that just looking at him made your back hurt. You didn’t believe he was comfortable like that. You regretted that only piece of his wardrobe was baggy navy trousers and red pieces of fabric loosely tied around his shoulders - seeing his extremely skinny body and morbidly gray-green skin, you had another headache again and you were getting nauseous, which you somehow stopped with a stone face.
The creature looked at you with boredom as if you were an unexpected and even more unwanted guest than the other way around - he didn’t budge or even blink like a grotesque sculpture.
He reminded you of Kaito’s stories of horrible, ugly, stone figures placed on the rooftops of many temples and cathedrals in faraway lands that he’d heard from other people - whether it’s tourists or foreign traders. They called them chimeras or gargoyles, depending on their function.
Was he a product of your mind as a sign to stop drinking?
“Are you finally get up?”
He asked, interrupting the silence and tilting his head slightly in a way familiar to you, but all you could do was nod your head and issue from a clenched throat quietly “Uh”.
You noticed that the window was closed now by wooden shutters and he was sitting under the wall adjacent to it as far away from it as possible.
“Don’t you have work today?”
You swallowed your saliva and nodded your head again. Feeling like an unwanted pest in your own home, you got up and folded the sheets. You put it on the other side of the room (under the window) and moved into the kitchen feeling behind you the watchful gaze of the bulging eyes and the menacing aura of your guest.
You entered the kitchen (the largest room in the house), where you had a low table and a stone stove, but you didn’t use it. An iron kettle for boiling water you set over a small fire. You remember when you dug a hole by yourself and then you covered it with bricks for safety. You liked to use it.
When you looked back, you saw a caricature of a man standing at the entrance to the room, still hidden in the shadows. He watched you from semi closed eyelids with boredom.
Does he have a skin condition? Can the sun hurt him? Is he afraid? Or maybe, like a vampire, you have to invite him?
A distant memory flashed through your head - how, as a little kid, you overheard a conversation among adults about bloodthirsty creatures turning to dust while they were standing in the sunlight. At that time they told you to leave then so as not to scare you, but curiosity was stronger.
Why do you suddenly remember that after all these years?
You shook your head and closed the shutters. To make sure the wind wouldn’t open them, you pulled the metal lock too for safety.
The room was semi-darkness.
Why did you do that?
Just to avoid a worse headache, and he decided to take advantage of it by walking into the kitchen.
Close up, when his position didn’t hide too much from you so you could see how bad he was - appearing rough and sickly skin was marked by numerous black marks, and the abdomen was practically concave. There were also bony hips protruding from behind the his material trousers, and you could describe him as a living skeleton, although he had heavily scratched muscle tissue gathered around his shoulders.
You placed two small clay tea cups on the table (remembering that you still had some medicinal herbs left for a hangover) and caused a mischievous smile on your comrade’s face as if you had done something stupid.
Yet he sat beside you at the table with his legs crossed and watched in silence as you ate a piece of dry meat with buttered bread. You weren’t sure how you were able to swallow when his constant gaze on you made your throat clenched itself. He didn’t even blink.
You paid him back with the same, but you couldn’t stand it for a long time and you started looking into the space above him. When you looked at him, you felt some kind of regret that made you offer him a piece of meat in your hand.
With this you caused him a loud burst of laughter, from which you jumped up in your seat. You amused him so much that he closed his eyelids and covered his mouth full of sharp yellow teeth with one hand, and he started hitting his knee with the other.
You didn’t know what was funny about it, so you just sat in front of him with a disconcerting face and with your hand still out holding a piece of meat pointing at him, but now you felt like an animal who had done a trick.
Gyutaro amused the absurdity of the situation and this irony, as you, a human - practically defenseless against him and unaware of his initial intentions (he still judging you) offer him, the demon, who has killed hundreds of people, a piece of food. If he was hungry, you’d be the first course on his menu.
When he calmed down a little, the broad smile still didn’t come off his face revealing his big teeth and made small wrinkles near his eyes showing how cheerful he was now.
You had a shiver for a moment, but you decided not to show it. If he isn’t a vision of your sleepy mind induced by alcohol, then it was better not to provoke him and didn’t let him know you’re afraid of him.
The stranger, feeling comfortable enough with you, lay down on the floor on his left side and resting his head on his fists, watched your morning routine without moving.
When you went to the other room to pick up some clothes (your house had only three rooms, one of which was a storage room) he just turned his head towards you and again returning to his previous, bored posture.
Even though he wasn’t physically moving, his eyes followed you, tracking your every move.
Then you also had to set up your wooden stall and load the goods on it. Unfortunately, your mare died a few months ago and you had to pull the carriage on wheels to the nearest town. If it weren’t for your expensive encounters with Warabihime, you could probably buy another horse sooner…
Actually, you were planning on taking the day off, but your unexpected visitor made you not want to stay home.
When you came back late in the evening, the only sign of him was the untouched clay cup of cold tea that you put in front of him.
For a moment, you really believed it was just a hallucination, but he came back after a few days.
• • •
You came home again at night after another day’s work in a remote city and he was already waiting for you inside. When you closed the door behind you, cutting yourself off from the sound of crickets in the nearby fields, you heard a quiet, characteristic for him scratch, scratch, scratch carring over a small building. You didn’t have time to escape to the street because he showed up right next to you.
There were several deep wounds on the right side of his face caused by his nervous scratching. Seeing you seemed to upset him even more because his movements got even more intense.
“Ne, ne, where have you been? Why don’t you come to her?”
Completely surprised by his sudden appearance, you took your breath away and all you could do was just stupidly open and close your mouth like a fish pulled out of the water. It was probably the first time, when you didn’t know what to say.
“Daki is impatient. She’s been waiting long enough for you.”
The man said that with a grudge against you. He was mad at you for not trying harder and making his pretty sister angry.
“Who… Who is Daki?”
You only managed to mouthed through a clenched throat as the monster in your kitchen continued to scratch nervously. He paused for a moment, reminding himself that you didn’t know everything yet, so he just said:
“Warabihime.”
Her name made your heart beat a little faster and you started to wonder how much you really know about her? Why did he call her Daki? How much does she have to do with him and who is he?
But before you could ask him anything, he threw you on his shoulder. Afraid he would drop you (or roll over with you), you propped on his bony back, but he had a surprisingly strong grip for someone looking so hungry.
Holding you with one hand, he went out in front of your house, jumped high and landed on the roof of a nearby building. It happened so fast that you only felt a sudden rush of cold air and could see your wooden geta fall down where you were just now.
Surprised and even more frightened, you clung tighter to a man, who seemed to mock your fear. You could have sworn that for a brief moment before he ran on the rooftops toward the bright Yoshiwara District you could see a smile on his face.
The fact that he only held you with one hand didn’t help you calm down at all.
A few minutes later, you were facing your black-haired oiran at Kyogoku House. It was the first time you had been in her seirō - you had always only met in tea house, but you didn’t have a nerve now to look around the room.
She sat in front of you proudly like a princess on a tatami dressed in a beautiful, silk, white kimono with a broad smile on her painted lips and a joy dancing in her bright eyes. She seemed even more radiant with affection, when she saw you.
Unusually, she was dressed more skimpily than usual - when her clothes opened you saw that instead of many other colorful layers of attire she was wearing only pink and black, lace panties and a wide obi of a similar color in a floral pattern tied around her slim belly. Her breasts were covered only by two straps of black material held by the belt, and her long, slender legs were dressed in stockings to match her underwear.
The man who brought you here unceremoniously dropped you off his shoulder on the floor and looked at you as if you were his new problem.
You jumped with your gaze from a figure standing above you to a woman sitting nearby without knowing what to do or why they brought you here.
Finally, the green-skinned man turned on his heel and walked toward the window you just came through, saying:
“I think you two have a little talk to do.”
And he jumped outside. He expected you to be too embarrassed to talk to Daki when he was around (although he was there all the time during your previous meetings, not that you knew about it) and he wanted her to explain this all to you.
You certainly had a ton of questions, and whether you survive afterwards will depend only on you.
Gyutaro crouched over the open window listening attentively to every word. His hand instinctively found its way to his skinny clavicle and began to unconsciously scratch it to relieve the stress.
After a long and, it would seem, difficult conversation for both of you, there was finally a deaf silence. He wondered for a moment if she killed you and if he could come back now. Then you spoke again. You were insecure and nervous - he could tell from your voice, but you surprised him again.
You wanted to try and keep seeing her. Despite knowing they’re both bloodthirsty demons eating your kind.
Gyutaro couldn’t take much time to think about your decision because he saw the black ink sky slowly change to a bright blue and red-orange flashes of the sun appear on the horizon, reminiscent of lanterns hanging in the Entertainment District.
Suddenly interrupting for you two, he went inside and kidnapped you again (despite his sister’s protests) jumping out with you to the street - he didn’t have much time and because you lost your shoes earlier, he couldn’t just leave you there. He knew Daki would be even more upset with him.
- - -
You were at the entrance of your house in just a few minutes. He stopped on the roof and grabbed you tight under the armpits. Your [Hair Color] hair was blowing in every possible direction by the wind and your head was spinning slightly like you were drunk again.
He bowed his head slightly and the orange sky looked like hellish flames behind him. He looked at you from behind his black-green hair, narrowing his menacingly yellow eyes.
“Do you have any idea what will happen if you ever cheat on her?”
Already less intimidated by his appearance, you nodded and said loudly, “You’re going to kill me!” and he slightly tilted his head as if you were irritating his ears.
“At least you’re smart.”
After these words, he let you fall on the gravel road outside your door. You moaned from the pain of a beaten ass, but you didn’t break anything - fortunately the height was too low for that.
Gyutaro watched for a moment as you lay before he disappeared behind the edge of the roof and rushed back to Kyogoku House. You didn’t know why he didn’t stay with you if he’d been there before… unless he was bothered by being with you all day.
Before any of your neighbors could see you, you got up with difficulty and took the geta that had been left on the street. Maybe someday you’ll find another…
You looked over the buildings thinking you’d see a big dark figure running over them, but he was gone, and you still had in your head nervous voice Warabi– … No, it’s Daki.
She told you her real name and what she was. She told you about her older brother and their history. She didn’t plan to hide anything from you from now on and exposed herself to you more than to anyone else.
Many had seen her attractive, firm body hidden under many layers of silk, but no one had yet known her heart.
Could you ignore something like that?
• • •
And you tried to come more often anyway. You couldn’t break your routine, but sometimes she was so impatient that she would even give you money, so you could get there early. Of course, it would have been easier if she intimidated the homeowners, Omitsu and her husband into letting you meet whenever you wanted, but you forbade her.
You could understand eating people, you would be a hypocrite to condemn her for eating the only food she could when you ate beef, veal, chicken and fish, when you were hungry. So that you could live on your own, you ate the flesh of other beings like many other species, and the fact that demons could only eat human was not her fault.
But you couldn’t tolerate, much less accept, terrorizing others so that only for you could meet. You could never accept senseless bloodshed or hurting and scaring others.
Your first face-to-face meeting was two weeks later, and it was the first time you were with all two of them. Gyutaro was ready to go out and hide somewhere not to disturb you, but you stopped him. You didn’t feel embarrassed or disgusted by him, although when you first saw him, he terrified you.
“Huh?” he murmured and his hand raised to scratch his neck. He looked at you with a mixture of surprise and amazement, and Daki felt a pleasant warmth pouring into her interior. So far, only two people have been kind to her brother.
If it wasn’t for her full makeup, you might see her cheeks blushing with delight. She slightly opened her lips in surprise, and her eyes glazed in the light of candles - she looked like a child at the sight of an unexpected, dream gift.
The man looked at his sister to see if she was okay with it and, not seeing any objection, sat down, but still keeping his distance. As time went on, he began to sit closer and closer to you.
You didn’t always just talk - sometimes Daki played koto or shamisen, that already were in the tea house or you played a board game Go.
• • •
Gyutaro finally fully understood why she was so angry when he came back from his long absence smelling like blood and you.
At first she was just angry with him for leaving her alone and even tried to look for him (without success), but when she smelled your strong smell from him she feared the worst. This led to another fight, and this time she didn’t pay attention to the furniture or the appearance of pretending to be a human being.
Frightened Omitsu told all the girls to stay away from her room hearing the sound of broken wood and her screams.
Hinatsuru then became more suspicious of the demon’s identity, but she was unable to send Kasugai crow to Tengen with her suspicions. She had to wait for her, and due to the increased demon activity in the city, she might have been caught. It wouldn’t be hard for a strong demon to kill a bird and then her.
She couldn’t have made a mistake. And she needed a real proof so she wouldn’t accidentally bewray herself by pointing out the wrong person.
• • •
Honestly, you were doing pretty good right now. Your insistence on stil making appearances all the time irritated Daki, who, if she could, would see you every day. Her brother supported you, although on the other hand, he hated saying no to his sister.
However, they both noticed that someone was watching their every move, and not only at Kyogoku House, so they had to continue the farce, at least until they got rid of all the pests.
But back to the present…
After giving the letter of request, the man (the owner of the seirō and Omitsu’s husband, whose name you couldn’t remember) told you that Warabihime was already waiting for you on the floor of the tea house.
Kyogoku House was the residence of oiran, kamuro, shinzou, other workers and owners couples - the women never brought their clients there and specifically went only to the chaya associated with their houses.
Surprised by her impatience, you let him lead you to the room. The little girls (probably kamuro, supporter housekeepers who cleaned and learned the artistic part of oiran work) looked at you with curiosity as always, not knowing how you could want to meet someone as cruel as Warabihime.
Out of politeness, you smiled warmly at them and waved, recognizing a few faces. Behind them, you saw a woman with bright purple eyes, coming out of one of the rooms. Her kimono fit her violet eyes like metal clips grafted into her fantastically arranged long hair. Under her left eye, you saw a tiny beauty mark through the white make-up that adds charm to her.
You thought maybe Daki mentioned about her once or two - she didn’t like her and complained about her a lot. What did she do to her? She never said it, although it was very likely nothing. The demon sometimes acts like a spoiled child around you when she’s completely done pretending.
“So, [Last Name]” the old man began as he stood with you in front of the thin shōji door. “Why are you with Warabihime? What do you like so much about her?”
You answered without hesitation.
“She’s cute.”
And you heard a loud man’s laugh coming out from behind the door. Gyutaro laughed uncontrollably, making the man next to you pale and almost fall over. At the last minute, you grabbed him by the arm and didn’t let him.
He nervously wiped his forehead with a cloth handkerchief and, saying he could handle it now and ran to the frist floor to be as far away from the monster and this cursed room as possible.
When you went inside, you saw the green-skinned demon shaking all over, holding his belly and laughing, covering his mouth with his other hand, trying to be quiet (which he didn’t do very well). His yellow eyes narrowed and took the shape of crescent moon. You thought you saw a tear drops out of one of them.
Daki tried to silence him by standing over him with wrinkled eyebrows, repeating over and over “Shhhh, shhhh,” loudly with her finger pressed against her narrow lips, but it didn’t help. Despite the white foundation all over her face and neck (part of her oiran makeup), you could see her ears turning deep red.
Gyutaro’s amusement also came to you, and after a while you also began to laugh, enjoying the next meeting with the demonic siblings.
As always, you spent a few hours together. Daki was playing shamisen, and you and her brother were playing Go while you were talking. You could have sworn that the whole meeting, the black-haired girl was strangely thoughtful. When you caught her looking at you, she looked away fast and her ears turned red again.
• • •
After all, just as you were leaving, you were suddenly dragged by the shoulder into a dark room. It was one of the new oiran. What did Daki say her name was? Hinatsuru? Maybe a little different.
“Um, yes?”
You asked without knowing what she might want from you. Her eyebrows wrinkled with concern and her lips slightly extended as if she was still hesitating about what she was doing. She kept holding you under your arm, squeezing your clothes tighter.
She had thin and slender fingers, but her grip wasn’t delicate. If you didn’t know, you’d think you were caught by a hard-working young man.
“I–, I need help,” she whispered finally looking into your eyes. She looked desperate. “It’s important and only you can help me.”
“Excuse me?”
There was still a deep horror on her face, worrying you a little bit and making you wonder how you could help her? You had never spoken until now. But despite this, Hinatsuru knew you well - the girls at Kyogoku House talking about you, because you were probably the longest customer of cold Warabihime and now the only one.
She didn’t want to imply anything, but everything suggested that others might be dead, and she didn’t want anything to happen to you. Also, you must have gotten to know the cruel oiran very well by that time and you could help her in her mission.
She now had limited movements and lost contact with the other two women. She tried to send a message to Tengen some time ago by mices, but he still didn’t respond. Maybe the demon found out.
“Please come here tomorrow and meet me. You have to talk to me,” she said as quietly as before.
You were about to ask why, but when you saw the feelings in her eyes... You just nodded. It must have been something important if she insisted, and there was a reason why she couldn’t talk about it now.
Was she afraid of someone?
The first thing that came to your mind was Daki, but she promised you no more terrorizing the inhabitants of her seirō. Maybe you’re thinking too much about her secret and that’s why she’s the one that comes to mind. Maybe it’s not about her at all…
“And take it.”
She handed you a object wrapped in a purple fabric. You couldn’t tell from only the touch what it was, so you hid it smoothly behind your kimono and nodded again.
Now she let you go. And yet you walked out of there with a bad feeling and a heavy burden on your shoulders.
- - -
Hinatsuru breathed a sigh of relief when you said yes. She was hoping to save you. She waited a moment before leaving the room herself and the first thing she saw, was Warabihime’s face contorted in a grimace of anger.
Her head was slightly tilted to the right and she frown to form a wrinkle on her smooth forehead.
“What are you doing?” she asked through clenched teeth.
Suddenly, cold sweat sweated all over the woman and she was covered with goose bumps. Her whole body was screaming, “RUN, FIGHT!” but she couldn’t move a single limb. It was hard even for her to breathe.
“N-nothing.”
The oiran leaned dangerously close, so Hinatsuru could easily smell her delicate sakura perfume and she whispered into her ear.
“So don’t touch what’s not yours, or you’ll lose your hands.”
Daki stepped away from her, threateningly staring her in the eyes for a moment, and left to return to Kyogoku House. She still could her talking as she walked away:
“I heard some girls disappeared from Tokito House recently. Take care of yourself.”
Hinatsuru felt she had to get out of here. She instinctively squeezed a small dose of poison hidden in the sleeve of the kimono she took with her just in case to simulate illness.
Yes, it’s time to bring in Uzui.
➻ Little dictionary:
Kimono (着物, きもの, lit. "thing to wear") - is a traditional Japanese garment. The kimono is a wrapped-front garment with square sleeves and a rectangular body, and is worn left side wrapped over right, unless the wearer is deceased.
Futon (布団) - traditional japanese bedding. It consists of a mattress (shiki-buton) and a duvet (kake-buton). Futons after taking out for the night from the wall cabinet (oshiire) are laid on tatami. After they are rolled up and put in the wardrobe in the morning, you gain free space in the room for the day, which can be used for other purposes.
Zataku (座卓) - is the generic term for this kind of low table.
Onigiri (御握り) - is made of rice formed into a triangular or oval shape, sometimes wrapped in a nori (Japanese name for different species of edible seaweed). This dish is stuffed with, among others, marinated Japanese apricot, roe, shrimp, fish, etc. The stuffing is usually salty to protect the rice from spoilage.
Gyūdon (牛丼, Japanese Beef Rice Bowl) - is one of the most popular and inexpensive fast food dishes in Japan. Its name can be literally translated to beef bowl.
Ikejime (活け締め) - It is a technique of killing fish neutralizing the nervous system of a live animal from bleeding. This ancient practice, of Japanese origin, has the effect of reducing stress and pain in fish. His muscles are not as tight, his flesh holds better, and his taste qualities are better compared to the usual way of strangulation.
Genre: Romance || Hurt/Comfort
Word count and reading time: +12.1k (49 min.)
⚠ Warnings for this part of the request: Minor death, Eating dead body, Severe injuries (not Reader), Forbidden Love/Mutual Pining,
Mukago’s life as a member of Twelve Kizuki was… stressful. She thought if she could join a group of the most powerful demons in the world, it would be easier for her, but it’s just getting harder.
She felt the constant pressure exerted by Muzan, the Upper Ranks looked down on her with superiority and contempt, and she was constantly afraid to maintain her position as the Lower Four.
Rui, Lower Five, was strong and probably if he wasn’t interested in climbing the ranks of Twelve Kizuki he could easily beat her - she could feel it just by standing near him during meetings.
He gave off a dense and suffocating aura showing how many people he had eaten and illustrating how ruthless and insensitive he was.
Apparently, he didn’t spare even the members of his “family”, which Kibutsuji kindly allowed him to create. Its size changed very quickly and often - someone joined, someone left (usually from his white hand in monstrous torments) and a new replacement appeared again.
This made him Muzan’s favorite, and all the Lower Ranks looked at him with jealousy, although he didn’t seem to notice or care about it.
She wouldn’t have beaten him if he challenged her to the Blood Battle - she knew her abilities and the differences between their powers that divide them like a deep chasm.
This didn’t mean that she wouldn’t try to defend herself, she would be foolish to surrender without a fight.
He didn’t need weak and cowardly demons. He wanted nothing from them but boundless devotion and ruthlessness. It’s the only way she could go far as a demon, as Lower One and all the Upper Ranks have shown.
And that’s why she was relieved that the spider boy was indifferent to the rat race in the ranks of Twelve Kizuki. As a result, she could still live.
But even though she had been one of Kizuki for some time, she still didn’t feel like a member of their group. It’s like she totally doesn’t fit there.
The Kibutsuji once said that they all should get rid of their humanity. Their greatest weakness, but just because she was a demon doesn’t mean that she still has no human feelings - she could still laugh, cry and feel gratitude for the kindness showed for her.
That’s why she remembers with pleasure her first encounter with [Last Name], which she tries to hide even from the Kibutsuji, fearing how he might react.
She was wounded and running from the Demon Slayer. She hoped her Lower Rank 4 position would somehow deter him, but he was determined to kill her. Too late she noticed that he was one of the kinoe - hashire she would have sensed from afar long ago.
With dizzying speed she ran through the trees, hearing his footsteps behind her, not at all far behind her. He easily kept up with her.
Every time she heard him pull out his katana with a metallic sound, she tilted her head down or changed direction to avoid the colored blade. Once he managed to cut the tips of her horns. She felt sweat run all over her body and her hair stand on end.
This chase could go on indefinitely unless one coincidence - a cliff that neither she nor he noticed.
With the menacing sound of a katana cutting through the air, she tried to dodge once again and cover her head with her hands, but suddenly she lost ground under her feet.
She didn’t have time to scream when she started falling, with the Demon Slayer next to her.
In the dark she had much better eyesight than humans in the dark, and in the dim moonlight she could see a surprise painted on the boy’s face - he didn’t even understand, what was happening before he hit the stones below them with a crack.
The fall, despite appearances, was quiet - the sound of broken bones was no louder than the sound of breaking a dry branch. Neither of them screamed. The only thing that escaped their mouths was the air collected in their lungs, which came out stifled.
She landed on her abdomen - she felt pain in her bent limbs and collapsed lungs.
Her nerve endings were burning her throughout her body, sending a message to her brain about her numerous critical injuries, and liters of blood spilling from her wounds made her feel cold as if she were lying in the snow. The punctured lungs prevented her from breathing, and the blood flooding them from the inside would probably have drowned her long ago, if she hadn’t been a demon.
Either that, or she’d die of pain because, unfortunately, she fell frist on her feet.
The nameless Demon Slayer fell out of her line of sight, and it cost her too much effort to lift and turn her head to see where he lay.
She didn’t hear his groans or heavy, unsteady breathing indicative of an agonizing state of great pain, so she suspected he fell on his head and split his skull. He died quickly and probably painlessly, unlike her - she was waiting for a long and painful recovery now.
If she faints for a few hours it would be a grace, but her mind stubbornly kept her conscious.
After about thirty minutes (which seemed like an eternity to her), her throat regenerated, and although she was still in pain, she was able to emit squeaks of pain. She sounded pathetic even to her own ears - not like a member of the most powerful demons in the world, but like a mouse tormented by a cat.
Tears continued to flow from her eyes, like endless waterfalls, blurring the view of white flowers from her face. It hurt, everything hurt her so much.
Suddenly she heard footsteps approaching her, and then saw a brighter and brighter light illuminating everything in front of her. Rocks, trees, plants… For a moment she feared it would be a rising of the day, but she didn’t burn after standing in all its glory.
The person, who arrived, stood behind her back and she could only guess who it was - a lost trader in the mountains? Another demon? Or maybe another Demon Slayer?
In her present condition, she couldn’t escape. She was scared, but at the same time she wanted all the pain to end.
Will that be the end of her? Will she find peace? Will she go to hell for her sins? Will she be reborn and get a second chance?
The person stood over them for a moment and heard only the hiss of the fire burning land in the candle that human had brought and its faster breathing.
She saw how the light moving and long shadow on the stones in front of her as the mystery figure covered the flame.
The traveler was afraid. She was sure of it. Mugako didn’t have a sharpened sense of hearing as well as the Upper Moon, but the person’s heart was beating so hard that she could hear it as if she had an ear on their chest.
Despite panic, this heartbeat calmed her down a bit. With a sore throat in a hoarse, quiet voice she said:
“He-help…”
And finally, she began to float away into blissful unconsciousness, listening to the sound of a rapid heartbeat.
• • •
Mukago woke up some time later in an unfamiliar place. She didn’t see the black sky above her or even the surrounding her before mountain landscape, but the wooden ceiling of a small house. She lay on a soft futon tightly covered with numerous blankets to keep her warm.
Where was she? Did she die? This is reincarnation?
Her sense of smell was immediately attacked by the numerous sweet smells, which was mixing with each other and surrounding her from all sides. She couldn’t pick up one that would tell her where she was.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of sliding wooden doors and footsteps. With difficulty she turned her head and saw the figure standing in the dark - she knew from the smell that it was a human. Unfortunately, it was too dark for her to tell more about person from place where she lay. She’d have to get up and get closer, but her head (and all the limbs) seemed to weigh hundreds of kilograms.
The stranger gently put down the wicker baskets on the ground next to the entrance and went to the furnace nearby. As quietly as before, person threw in a few logs of wood and lit a fire.
Are you afraid of her? Is that why you were so careful? But then why would you take her to your home?
In the dim orange light from the stone furnace, she saw better the facial features of her new companion. You didn’t look like a Demon Slayer, and your worried, wrinkled eyebrows didn’t indicate bad intentions. More like regret.
Maybe you regretted your decision and wondered what to do next? What should you do with a dangerous demon under your roof?
Suddenly you noticed she was awake and with a quiet “oh!” you froze motionless. In the warm glow of fire, she saw the surprise that appeared on your face for a second and then how you looked at her with those [color] eyes with an expression she didn’t recognize for now. She hasn’t seen it on anyone’s face too long time to tell immediately what kind of emotion it is.
She knew perfectly well the fear hidden in the stiff faces of her dead victims or the sadness when they begged for mercy in tears. She had seen pain and anger, but this… It was something new.
“Are you still going to sleep? Are you all right?” you asked, confusing her even more.
Why would you ask that and care about her? With every moment she spent with you, she have more and more questions popping into her head, and the uncertainty of your intentions twisting her guts. She didn’t know what to expect from you.
She nodded hesitantly and again there was silence between you for a few minutes.
You turned your gaze away from her looking at a distant point in front of you, focusing on your thoughts, and she felt the atmosphere getting more thicker.
You didn’t look like you were planning on speaking anytime soon, so she decided to do it, but before she spoke she already knew that it wouldn’t be an easy - no sound would pass through her dry, sore throat, and her swollen like a sponge tongue, stuck to her palate.
She swallowed her saliva with difficulty a few times and opened her glued lips with a wet sound attracting your attention again.
“Where–?”
“At my house,” you said quickly and didn’t let her finish. “Don’t bother yourself, lie down. Try to get more sleep.”
She closed her mouth obediently and continued to stare at you with a startled look.
Unable to stand her attentive, unblinking gaze, you turned your head the other way and looked into space. You felt awkward when she did it.
The windows were closed with wooden shutters, so the only source of light in the small hut was the fire from the furnace, and the sound that interrupted the uncomfortable silence was the crackling of wood in the heat and your quiet breaths.
When you entered the house you noticed a change - her breathing was no longer as loud and whistling as at the beginning, when you found her.
Have her lungs already regenerated? If so, how long will it take for her to fully recover?
You tightened your lips in anger and frowned slightly in frustration. What are you gonna do next? What will she do?
How stupid you were…
You chastised yourself in your mind for your recklessness and wondered what you should do now, when the demon was watching you all the time.
She could see perfectly well how your face changed under the influence of emotion - honestly, anyone could read you like an open book, but she hoped you wouldn’t suddenly pull out a nichirin blade from somewhere to kill her.
She wasn’t sure, she would have been able to defend herself from you in this state.
- - -
The night passed for you… without much 'attraction' - you didn’t talk to Mukago anymore and after a few minutes you fell asleep by the stove through its warmth and she didn’t try to wake you up. She focused on regenerating as quickly as possible so she could leave.
But unfortunately, she couldn’t sleep at the same time anymore, so she just lay alone with her thoughts, staring at the ceiling. Hunger squeezed and twisted her guts, the recovering drained a lot of energy from her, and when she looked at you, saliva flowed into her mouth.
You looked so good with that calm face untainted by any worries when you were conscious. Your scent filled her nostrils until she got dizzy - she felt drunk from your scent. You weren’t a marechi, but everything in the cabin smelled like you - the floor, the furniture and even the sheets she was lying in.
The years spent in the wooden walls made the entire house to soak up your scent like a handkerchief thrown into the water, although you probably didn’t smell it - demons have a much more sensitive sense of smell than humans, and her hunger with numerous, severe injuries only made it worse.
You were like an aromatic, fat chicken covered in honey over a fire. With skin flushed from the warmth and slightly shiny from the sweat running down your forehead.
You were definitely well seasoned. Just looking at you, she could imagine the structure of your muscles, feel the distinct iron taste of blood on her tongue spiced with your emotions.
There were many chemical reactions in the human body that were also caused by hormones and enzymes - from what she remembered about butchering meat or fish, when she was still human. Apparently, fear killed the taste of meat by the adrenaline and acids released in muscle tissues during stressful situations, so now you were perfect. Hunters and fishermen tried to kill the animal as quickly and painlessly as possible to prevent it. This killing technique is called ikejime.
You weren’t special, but in her condition, you were everything she could have dreamed of right now.
Normally, she’d sneak up on you while you were asleep and kill you before you could react, but she couldn’t. She still had broken bones (not only in her legs) and too severe internal injuries. All she had left was to wait and suffer in the silence still lured by your scent like a bee to a flower.
You unknowingly tortured her and turned your little house into her own private hell. You were her executioner, even though you didn’t do anything to her.
Her belly murmured low and long for food like a dog waiting for a bone, but it was a sound too muffled by the blanket to wake you up. You didn’t even move in your position.
An unpleasant spasm passed through her bowels like a spear, and the emptiness in her stomach became even more painful. Even more saliva poured into her mouth and flowed down her unnaturally pale cheek to soak into the pillow under her head and into her messy hair.
All she could do now was looking at you with a deep hunger in her eyes.
- - -
Shortly after sunrise you woke up - although the shutter was tightly closed and covered with some material she could tell by the singing of the morning birds.
Your sleepy eyes slowly opened and you stretched your bones with a quiet crack. From being in an awkward position for hours, your back and neck hurt. You grabbed the back of your neck to massage your tense muscles and looked around with tired eyes into a dark room, but you didn’t saw anything - the fire from the furnace has long gone out, leaving behind a delicate smell of smoke.
Moving around in a small room using only your memory, you walked up to the door and a little opened it, letting light in - luckily for your adopted guest, they didn’t face east or west, so it was half-dark.
Now you could see a white horned head with silver hair around her like a halo from beneath your bedding. Her dark eyes stared at you, making you less comfortable with a constant observer.
Honestly, if you forgot her, you’d scream in terror until the nearest village heard you and waking everyone up.
How about you become a new legend about a ghost living in the mountains with a killing voice, hm?
Her eyes followed you wherever you went in a small room - whether you made yourself breakfast or a bento for lunch at work. You pretended you didn’t notice how the unnatural irises moved, tracking your every slightest movement. When you disappeared out of their area, she even struggled to move her whole head towards you.
Was it uncomfortable? Yes. Was that disturbing? Most of all.
And you could have left the door locked and forgotten about her… Or leave her in the mountains till morning to burn.
“I’m going to work, don’t destroy or touch anything,” you said coldly when you changed (hiding behind a curtain made from an old blanket and hung from the ceiling on a beam supporting the roof) clothes and turned to the exit.
You didn’t even look at her knowing she’d still stare at you quietly with those dark eyes.
- - -
To your surprise, when you came home that evening, the demon woman was still lying where you left her.
Demons don’t regenerate faster?
You thought slowly chewing an onigiri ball. A little white rice stuck to your cheeks around your lips, but you didn’t pay much attention to it when you were focused on the lying demon.
“You still can’t move?” you asked her, still standing in the red light of the setting sun.
You had a bag of groceries hanging loosely on your one shoulder and an axe in the other hand. You weren’t stupid enough to walk into a dark room with a predator without any weapons.
But you were stupid enough to let a monster in and fall asleep next to her.
You reprimanded yourself quietly in your mind, frowned at that and clenched the handle of the iron axe tighter.
And then you left her unsupervised.
Were you mad at yourself? Yeah, but you can’t change the time. You could only hope she was really too hurt to get to you.
“Hey, come on, move,” you ordered to her still not going inside.
“I-I can’t…” she said in a slightly hoarse voice. You couldn’t tell if it was because of her bad condition or the long time she hadn’t used it.
So far, her body has taken care of numerous internal injuries and setting her ribs in right place. Maybe if she had eaten in the meantime it would have gone faster, but she was completely alone all day without any food.
Unfortunately, despite healing most of the injuries from her body, she felt weaker because of the amount of energy it consumed from her. Probably even after she’s completely healed, she won’t be able to stand on her feet for a while.
“This better be true,” you threatened, and she could have seen your embrance on the wooden shaft of the tool tighten. She even heard the wood crackling quietly under your hand.
You were ready to attack her at any moment if she suddenly jumped at you, and she was sure you wouldn’t hesitate.
You went inside and put a white wrap from a fabric bag next to her. It emitted a strong odor that attracted her on the one hand and repelled her on the other. Like water in a poisoned lake, a dehydrated animal. Like a Venus flytrap bugs.
“Eat,” you said looking down at her, and the command acted on her like letting the dog off a leash.
She had one big word in her head: “FOOD” - she immediately turning to the bundle with a weak, pale hand ending with sharp claws and she tore the material.
It was meat.
She felt she was about to cry. She didn’t understand your kindness and she had many questions.
Who are you to her, after all? You helped her a lot, but your behavior shows her how much you despise her (or her kind). You still gave her mixed signals that caused her a headache.
If she still goes on like this, she’ll go crazy because of you.
With a trembling hand, she grabbed it and shoved it into her mouth, almost choking. The sudden sweetness that attacked her tongue turned into a bitter and tart taste, making her want to vomit.
She quickly spat out a large piece of meat and began coughing and spitting with effort to rid her mouth of the residue. When she looked up, she saw you looking at her frown in a grim grimace of discontent.
She knew that look, you reminded her… It’s better not to mention his name here. Even quietly, because he’d find out, and he’d be angry to see one of his moons in such a weak state. He would probably consider her unworthy of that rank.
And what would he do next? Would he downgrade her to a lower position? Would he expel her from Twelve Kizuki? Would he kill her?
Those thoughts gave her the creeps.
“What is it? Why can’t you eat?” You asked, and your voice sounded sharp in her ears. She lowered her head. She couldn’t look you in the face for some reason.
“You’re a demon, you eat meat,” you said as if you were stating the obvious, such as that it’s bright during the day and birds fly in the sky.
“I can’t,” she admitted quietly and reluctantly, still trembling. “I can’t eat an animal.”
Are you gonna kill her now? You gonna call a Demon Slayer? Why don’t you just expose her to sunlight?
All she heard was your unhappy sigh above her and saw how you take the bag of the rest of the meat from her. There was still probably kilo in there.
“Well, it’s sad, but it won’t go to waste.”
You turned away from her and sat by the stone oven with the dry twigs from the wicker basket. Moments later, you put a pot on it and started preparing food for yourself.
In the next few minutes, the hut was filled with aromas of spices and the sound of bubbling water for sauce. All your attention was turned to cooking and she could see your calm face again illuminated by a yellow, warm flame.
You looked as if you had forgotten about her presence and all your problems - now there was only you and your little cabin. Your home. The outside world didn’t exist. You probably didn’t even worry about the probable sudden intrusion of some dangerous intruder.
Mukago would like to have such a quiet haven. A place, where she can come and forget everything - about demons and people, the rest of Kizuki and about her Master, fear of whether she’ll survive another day or the slayer she encounters is stronger than she is.
But looking at you, she finally calmed herself - it was nice to see you at work, even when you weren’t doing anything special.
Lying in your futon and covered with a blanket (she could still smell your scent, even though it had begun to faded) watching you cook - this scene was almost family-like. Affectionate. Intimate.
If she were human, the smell would make her drool. Maybe you could eat together.
When you were done, you put your food in a clay dish and sat in the corner not far from the furnace that was still generating heat. Suddenly, as if you remembering something, you looked in her direction without moving.
“Are you going to watch me eat like that?” you asked hesitantly.
Surprised, she forgot she was staring at you so intensely. Slightly ashamed, she looked away and focused on the ceiling this time.
Now the roles were reversed and you were staring at her, slowly eating the steaming gyūdon and wondering what to do next.
You should have gotten rid of her this morning, thrown her in the sunlight. What went into your mind to take her with you? If not now, she’ll kill you the next time. The only thing demons can eat is human flesh, and now you’re sure, and she even confirmed it. She’s hungry, you can’t feed her anything else. The sooner you take care of this, the better it will be.
You thought as you put the dish next to you and turned to the door. The sun has already set.
With resignation, you promised yourself you’d get rid of her in the morning (even though you knew, you wouldn’t keep it as usual).
“How long will it take you to regenerate?”
You suddenly broke the silence. The horned demon looked at you and the fire reflected in her silver irises. The red sclera all around it made her look like she really came out of the depths of hell, but there was something endearing about her - if it weren’t for the unnaturally eyes color and horns, she would have been really lovely human.
“I don’t know.”
She admitted it honestly, because she had nothing else and asked instead what will you do with her, still not looking at you.
“I don’t know,” you said as if you wanted to tease her.
Although the way your body was tensed up and your pulse quickened, she knew you were lying, but there was nothing she could do about it.
- - -
Mukago suddenly felt her blanket lift. She wasn’t sleeping - she just lay there with her eyes closed trying to speed up her recovery by focusing on healing individual fractures and injuries rather than trying everything at once.
With her slightly open eyelids, she saw you squatting next to her, holding the same axe on your shoulder as before, and staring at her belly with squinted eyes.
She quickly raised her hands, trying to shield herself from the blows, squealing like any woman in the face of unexpected danger. Surprised she was awake, you shivered and dropped the covering her material. A deep blush of shame appeared on your cheeks from being caught in the act of disgrace.
“I was just checking to see if you’re recovering well,” you said right away so she wouldn’t have any bad ideas…
And you thought you could change the sheets soon, because lying in stains of dried blood leaking through the bandages didn’t seem too hygienic to you, but you never mentioned it.
You sounded like you needed to explain yourself to her.
And stupid.
When you realized it, your surprised (and definitely guilty) face turned into a grimace again. You made a loud “tsk!” with your tongue and walked away from her.
Before you left, you took a big basket with you, and in the first rays of the sun coming through the door, she saw your ears are still red.
She was alone.
Again.
She felt like the small progress you had made in your unexpected relationship had been reduced to zero, and even as if you had taken a few extra steps backwards. She felt guilty about it because you really seemed nice even though you were hiding under the hood of a rough person all the time. She wished she hadn’t kept her eyes closed or called you.
Although she had spent years as a demon, she had not had many opportunities to meet another person to talk to. Humans quickly ended up as her food, weaker demons fled or died fighting for rank, and Twelve Kizuki treated each other as enemies.
Why did she only now feel how lonely she was? Or maybe it’s by tasting a sweet a little bit of the other person’s company?
Is it gonna be hard for her to get back into her life now after that you’ve just walked into it so unexpectedly?
Will she be able to return to those cold, lonely nights surrounded only by the dead bodies of her enemies who only hated her? Who only wanted to kill her?
You never gave her the feeling that you wanted to hurt her or that you were angry with her. You made ugly faces sometimes, but she saw you were only mad at yourself.
You did it when you said or showed her too much. You pretend you don’t care about her, but she doesn’t think it’s true. You’re a good person.
And maybe you were lonely in those mountains too. In these four wooden walls, where it is futile to look for the smell or traces of any guests.
Will she forget the heat from your furnace? The smell of flowers surrounding your home? The sound of your clamly beating heart or quietly breathing while you sleep?
When will she forget your voice or the color of your eyes? Or all those faces, that even though she didn’t feel comfortable with you at first, she found it funny now.
Did you know that when you get nervous, your left temple pulsates?
Here it was so… Pleasant. Nice. Different.
- - -
“How much more time do you need?” you asked when you came to see her in the afternoon.
She was now able to sit up and hardly felt any pain in her abdomen. The only thing stopping her from leaving was the sunlight and the broken bones in her legs.
“About twelve hours.” However, after a moment of reflection, she added. “Maybe a little more.”
Hearing an answer that satisfied you, you nodded your head and put away the new dry branches and charcoal. The last one you got from a friendly family, and the rest you found on the way home from the city where you work.
Despite living near the woods and mountains, you were neither a hunter nor a lumberjack. This meant, you had to get up early in the morning and drive your carretela the next few kilometers to your workplace, but you liked it. The other employees were always nice and there was always a customer to whom you could please with your goods. An additional plus was the specific place where you live allowing you to experiment with it.
And what were you trading?
“What are you doing?” the girl asked, when she felt a little more confident and saw you pull a little wrap from behind your kimono.
“I’m planting.”
You sprinkled seeds from a small handkerchief into a pot and wrote the name of the plant with charcoal on it, before you pulled out a thin notebook from the book cabinet and starting to write something in it. She thought you wouldn’t want to talk to her, but after a while, you started more talking.
“My boss sometimes gives me different seeds to record the growth of plants under different conditions than in the greenhouse.” You paused for a moment to see if you wrote the name on the other page correctly. “And there are also plants that won’t grow anywhere else, but in the mountains because of this.”
“Are you a gardener?”
“I work in a flower shop, but yes - I’m also a gardener. I even have a nice garden in front of my house thanks to this.”
“Do you know a lot of plants?”
“Oh, yes, boss probably brings them from all over the world.” You said in a tone showing that you don’t consider it a great feat. Like you’d be better off without that knowledge. “He has many shops and contacts with abroad. He’s a businessman and lately he’s trying to make a deal for his services with some old family of pharmacists.”
“Is that why you were there? To study the growth of flowers in the mountains?”
The quiet shuffle of the grey pencil on the paper went silent when you looked at her. She was no longer hiding from your gaze - after all, she was Lower Rank 4.
“Yes, you fell into my Hayachineusuyukiso.” Seeing that the name doesn’t mean anything to her, you added. “Also called Edelweiss or Beautiful Star. A rare, white, mountain flower, not difficult to grow, but it was difficult for me to make suitable soil conditions for it.”
The only thing she answered was “oh” as an understanding of the subject of the plant, and then she added even louder and more confidently “Oh!” when she understood exactly what she had done.
She swooped in (along with the Demon Slayer) and destroyed your hard work to grow these flowers. She didn’t know what you had to do to get this, so she was even more worried. And you were probably doing it for your boss. She was hoping, he wouldn’t fire you for it.
“I’m sorry,” she said with guilt, putting her hands on the sheets covering her. There’s almost nothing left of your scent on it, replaced by her sweat and blood.
“You don’t have to, you can’t fix them with words.”
You lifted your eyes from the pages and saw the demon staring at her clenched hands. The bangs and longer strands of hair fell freely over her face, concealing her like a silver hood, but were still too short to cover her tightly held lips.
Was she clutching them out of hunger or guilt?
Even though the thought occurred in your head, you didn’t consider her a serious threat. She reminded you of a child, which somebody yelled at - sad and ashamed of their actions. Sitting in a corner for punishment and left with her thoughts to calmly reflect on her mistakes. Unwillingly, you added while closing the small notebook with a slam.
“I didn’t need them for anything anymore anyway - I just had to get the flowers to unfurl to confirm a theory.”
When you stood up, she followed you with her eyes, watching you slowly getting to leave, before you stopped for a moment.
You came back and put some similar notebooks in front of her.
“If you’re bored, you can read or draw on blank pages. I’d probably be bored to death with nothing to do here.”
“Are you going back to work?” she asked, hoping you’d stay with her.
“There’s a charcoal-burning family on the other side of the mountains, and I promised Tanjiro-kun I’d come and visit them after I checked on you.”
“Oh, okey.”
Her sad and disappointed tone made you feel like you just kicked a little cat. Before guilt and duty completely took over you, you left planning a meeting with the rest of the Kamado family, picking prettier flowers for a bouquet for Mrs. Kie and her two daughters.
- - -
“Any improvement?” you asked when you finally came back.
Although you left your friends before dark (knowing how treacherous mountain roads can be), you still reached the hut only after the sun had hidden behind the horizon.
The abdominal pain practically disappeared along with the dark blue and purple spots adorning her skin and she could move her toes, but it was still a problem for her to bend her knees. She still can’t walk on her own.
“I need a few more hours.”
“Is there any way to speed this up?”
“I could, but…”
She couldn’t finish a sentence knowing there was no way you’d say yes. She looked down and silver hair again obscured her view.
She heard you sighing and leaving. In the backyard, you threw something on a gravel road that gave off a metallic reverberation and dragged it, destroying a few of the stray little twigs.
Through the entrance to the cottage, she saw you standing in front of a wooden trailer. You harnessed a little brown horse to it and started pulling off the fabric bags and bringing them home, putting them in a corner.
She watched your actions with curiosity until you stopped, stood over her and asked with a neutral expression.
“If I help you, can you make it to the carriage?”
She looked at the vehicle one more time and then nodded at you. You uncovered her body, pulled her out of the futon - there was a large dark stain of clotted blood where she lay, but you’ve seen a significant improvement. You were involuntarily happy about it.
She reached out to you like a baby. You held her under her armpits and then you tried to put her hand across your neck. The last time, when you carried her home unconscious, she was definitely heavier and harder for you to maneuver.
Unlike the first time you met her, she was no longer cold - the gentle warmth of her body made you believe she was truly human, if it weren’t for her appearance.
Relying on you, she came to the carriage and you put her in the trailer. Her legs were still weak and flabby, but the fact that she could walk a few steps with the help was a good sign.
“Where are you taking me?”
She asked, watching you step forward and sit in the coachman’s seat. Holding the leather reins, you swung with it at the animal to make it move.
Not very glad with the night ride, the horse initially resisted, but after a few pulls, he finally moved. His clattering hooves resounded in silence along with his loud hisses, making it even less real.
When was the last time Mukago rode in a carriage? It must have been when she was still human.
Was she afraid? No, even though you didn’t answer her question and you kept your distance almost the whole time. She knew you weren’t bad.
And she knew it would finally come. She couldn’t hope that you would let her live with you - after all, you were natural enemies.
When after a long ride you stopped the horse before the entrance between the two mountains, she knew it was time to say goodbye.
You went around the carriage again to get to her and took her down, before you led her deep into a narrow, stone road and sat her on a big boulder.
“I can’t go any further.”
You said crouching at the height of her eyes. You pointed your finger at the dark behind her and added. “That’s where I found you, with any luck he should still be there, if the wild animals haven’t gotten him first.”
The demon nodded. She still didn’t understand what was inside your head and why you decided to helping her so much, but she was very grateful to you.
She looked at your back for a moment as you walked away from her and when your footsteps silenced in the other sounds of the night, she slowly crawl into the corpse of the Demon Slayer.
She had to make several stops along the way to rest, but she had all night to get there.
Surprisingly, the corpse was still lying where he fell. Flowers were arranged around it, as if someone was trying to make it up for the dead boy’s lack of burial.
As she got closer, she could see that the animals had found their way to him during those three days. His right hand was missing and in the place of his eyes were two black voids staring straight at her. The dried blood on his cheeks now looked like tears. Equally bad must have been the hole in his belly, where something was still moving under the stiff material of his uniform.
Unable to complain, she tried to ignore the horrible smell coming from the rotting body and after a few minutes she could walk normally again.
- - -
You didn’t leave from the entrance to the ravine long before dawn. What told you to stay? Guilt? Duty to a stranger’s girl?
No, it’s a demon. You can’t forget that.
But even your own admonitions didn’t move you. Your horse turned his head restlessly waiting for you to let him to turn back and lie down again in the dry straw in a small barn, but you waited.
For what? Until she finishes eating and comes back for you?
Tired, you rubbed your eyes and struggled with drowsiness. You decided to wait another ten minutes, and if she doesn’t signal that she needs help by then, you’ll leave.
- - -
You were awakened from a shallow sleep by the restlessness of the horse. The animal tromped its hooves and neighing, trying to wake you up and keep you away from the danger in front of you.
When you got up quickly, you grabbed the lantern next to you and lit your way, but you didn’t see anything. Not any demon or a wild animal.
Feeling a sudden movement of air next to you, you looked to the side, but there was nothing too. You could have tell someone was here a moment ago - you still felt the warmth on your shoulder.
Deciding you’d wasted too much time here, you ordered for the horse turn around, still looking back to see what would upset him so much. When you took a closer look, you saw on the road an elongated shape sliding slowly into the nearby bushes.
A snake? Well, at least it wasn’t your still hungry friend…
On the way home, you could have sworn that you felt a constant gaze stuck into you like two daggers. It wasn’t very pleasant, you could feel how its hidden owner buzzing with bad emotions and the desire to murder.
It gave you the creeps all over your body and all you could think about was getting back to a safe house as soon as possible.
Maybe it’s just your wild imagination? Being alone late at night in the dark woods are good food for it.
The only thing you heard that night (apart from the moaning of the wooden wheels of your carriage) was the loud flutter of the wings of some bird flying over your head, but because of the thick branches of the trees you couldn’t even see the starry sky above you. You knew something was there because once you even got hit in the head with a pine cone that broke off under his weight.
- - -
For the next few days you had some peace and quiet - no one fell to your flowers or needed your help.
The only people, who disturbed you were mysterious men in brown suits, who came to ask you for the way to the mountains. They explained that they worked for some organization and one of their members had a terrible accident nearby.
The road to this place was easy from your house, so you pointed them in the right direction.
All you saw was how they looked at each other through the gap in the material attached under their hats in understanding and they left you without a word.
The first time you came to this place, the view was terrible, now it must be a lot of worst especially after you left the corpse for decay, wild animals and brought there the starving demon.
But it’s not your problem anymore, although you could have sworn the birds that accompanied them looked at you like they knew what you’d done.
They looked at you with their black eyes, judging you quietly and with the intelligence you’ve never seen in any animal.
But maybe you were just imagining it? Maybe you’re just too paranoid?
- - -
Mukago thought no one would find out about her weak. That it would remain her little secret.
Oh, how wrong she could have been.
As much as she wanted to stay and be around you, she knew it would be too dangerous for both of you. Just thinking about you, no matter how pleasant, could get her (and not only her) into trouble.
Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tried, nothing could escape the attention of the Demon King.
One day he summoned her to Infinite Castle by a woman with biwa.
She was wandering through the forest and all she heard was an unexpected sharp tug of the strings of the instrument, when she suddenly stood in front of the cold face of Kibutsuji. The demon was dressed in white pants and a black suit still remaining in his current role of a good husband and father.
The demon has recently found a new family to serve as a cover for him, so he can hide from the Demon Slayer Corps.
What did he do to achieve this?
She couldn’t be sure, but she expected him to stain his hands again with the blood of an innocent person. People were nothing but food and tools to him, just like the members of Twelve Kizuki.
He stood in front of her, staring at her like she was an uninteresting animal. An insect. A miserable subspecies.
Seeing him, she immediately turned even more pale and fell on her knees before him, lowering her head as low as she could. Her forehead touched the hard, dark wood beneath her and she felt how sweat ran down her temples. Mukago barely holds back the trembling from nervousness.
His forehead was not tainted by any wrinkle created by furrowed brows. The man's posture, though it was and did not seem tense, she still could feel the dread floating in the air.
“What was that supposed to mean?” Muzan asked calmly but harshly, standing over her. As he always did when he gave the order for Twelve Kizuki.
“I–”
She didn’t know what to say. How was she supposed to explain all of this? Or was it about puncture the Demon Lord’s pride, thinking he wouldn’t know? Here, among the demons you could die for lesser offenses.
Or maybe she should already start apologizing and writing her last mental will?
“You had a perfect source of information right under your nose,” he started to speak, and his immaculate image began to break like a broken vessel. With every word, she could hear the anger rising within him. “How could you leave so easily? When others work hard to find even the slightest clue as to where Blue Spider Lily is, you just turn down the chance that fate has given you!”
With his scream, something glass snapped near them, making Mukago squirm even more. She trying to hide inside himself and shaking like a frightened rabbit.
She began to wonder if the next thing that snapped would be her skull.
This time, however, he spared her life. It just ended with an unpleasant reprimand that she won’t forget for long, really long time.
Black-haired woman barely teleported her to the vicinity of the wooded areas of the mountains, she already started instinctively running towards you with tears in her eyes.
Were those tears of fear? Relief from a life saved yet again by luck? Happiness of seeing you one more time?
Or maybe just a rush of cold air caused them?
Her whole body was still trembling and covered with goosebumps, the cloud of shock was just started leaving her mind, her heart was beating fast fueled by adrenaline, but there was also an unusual lightness in her legs, as if she weighed nothing.
Her feet carried her to the door of your hut, lured by the familiar scent of flowers from your garden, dug-up earth and…
You.
Mukago is alive.
For now…
- - -
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.” Mukago heard your voice along with approaching footsteps.
She waited for you as usual, sitting on the wooden beam supporting the ceiling, that she had spent so much time staring at during her long convalescence.
She has been coming to see you almost every day since she had the conversation with her Master - sometimes she disappearing for a quick hunt.
She tried to deal with it quickly, but at the same time she chose villages a little further away from your home. She didn’t want to bring here another slayer or, even worse, a Hashira.
That would be too suspicious and it could lead them to you.
What would they do when they found out you were friends with a demon? With the murderer of countless people? One of the Kizuki?
She didn’t even want to think about it…
Another reason was a little selfish, because she didn’t want you to hear about her victims. She didn’t want you to start looking at her like everyone else, like the demon that she is.
But this time when you came back, you weren’t alone - she heard other footsteps too.
From the sounds she might have deduced your comrade was a man. He walked quietly, but confidently. She could hear the clatter of the scabbard on his katana slapping against his hip and belt when he was walking, and his calm breathing.
A hunter?
No, the slayer.
And from his strong aura, she could have infer that he must have been high-ranking. Perhaps, he was even a Kinoe.
Outside the door, she heard a man walk away from you. When you entered the hut, for a moment the orange rays of the sunset fell inside, drawing your long shadow on the ground. You immediately looked up expecting to see your guest there as usual.
And as usual, she was there. With a nice smile and soft eyes waiting for you. Just like a domestic cat.
A large, predatory cat that could easily devour you if she only wanted to. She was now like a wild tiger in her territory.
You no longer saw in her the same fear as before or the pretended confidence.
But tigers are big cats, who also like to lie down sometimes without stress.
She often watched you at work too. You didn’t know exactly why she came back to you or where her interest in plants came from, because she never made it clear before what she was interested in. When you asked her about it, she only said:
“Because I can’t and you know a lot about this.”
You sensed her sincerity at the time, even though you didn’t quite understand what she meant.
Maybe if you knew Muzan Kibutsuji you could understand, but she couldn’t tell you about him.
And her mission wasn’t the only reason why she couldn’t leave…
Sometimes you felt like you were playing a game with her, where you slowly discover more and more about each other.
It was nice talking to someone and not going back to an empty hut where no one was waiting for you, but it brought new problems for you.
You began to get attached to her presence and miss her when she was gone. Wait for her to come back to you, when she suddenly disappeared at night after you fell asleep.
How many times have you woken up in the dark and waited for her appear to the first rays of the sun?
How many more excuses are you gonna need for your eyes bags, when people ask for them? When will you stop worrying others with your absent-minded behavior, often getting lost in your thoughts and falling asleep in a quiet corner at work?
“Demons don’t feel love or empathy, they’re monsters.” Someone told you once, and you took those words to heart. “Bloodthirsty beasts, who only want to quench their hunger.”
But are all demons really evil?
Are there any good demons?
You followed the girl coming down from the wooden beam with your eyes. Even though she smiled at you, you could tell she was nervous.
Is it because of that guy with the katana?
Suddenly, remembering something, you asked her putting away your packages of things you bought in the city on the table next to the fireplace.
“There's been some missing in the area lately… Do you know anything about that?”
Mukago seemed surprised by your question - she turned pale (although you didn’t expect it to be possible) and a smile faded from her face, replaced by the uncertainty you saw in her during your first conversation.
“Um, no. I don't think so. Why?”
It didn’t sound very convincing and all you could do, was take her word for it.
Some time ago a child went missing and was found after two days - he had lost into the woods and fallen into an old, but deep bear pit.
Luckily, the villagers found him safe and healthy (not counting the fear and hunger he must have felt during that time, as well as the numerous abrasions he made, when he tried to climb on the slippery rocks).
Mr. Bear was probably on a trip or was long dead, killed by hunters.
Missing husbands were found drunk in pubs, and and young womens were found with their chosen ones not accepted by their families.
But there were also unsolved disappearances, where no clues have been found to tell what might have happened to the missing.
You didn’t dwell on the subject and unpacked your bag, carefully placing its contents in a locker nearby. These included various spices, rice, bread and meat, in addition to seeds from your boss.
You might have gone a little crazy, because you had an unusual customer, who come to see you in the morning.
A mysterious black-haired man in western clothes entered the flower shop before the sun came up and asked your friend Misaki (who was standing behind the counter) about flowers. He wanted to buy something for his wife and daughter as an apology for spending so much time at work.
When she disappeared into the other side of the store behind one of the larger plants to bring ribbons to tie the flowers stems, you saw him looking around, although you could tell from his eyes that he was bored rather than curious.
His red irises wandered along the shelves with vases and multicolored plants without any reaction - none of them surprised or delighted him, as if he had seen them all more than once.
Well, this place certainly weren’t the only store selling exotic plants, there were more of them in Tokyo for sure. The only difference between you and them is the price - because your boss tried to grow most of them here, the prices were much lower than those in the center of the capital.
You barely managed to keep your eyes open, sitting where you usually sit hidden in a corner on the windowsill.
Monstera deliciosa - an ornamental plant, imported from distant exotic forests, with large leaves in the usual heart shape was the perfect cover for you. From behind its jagged leaves, you could see who was going in and out without fear of being noticed. You liked working here, but didn't always feel like dealing with customers.
Misaki, with her open and warm personality, was the perfect worker for such tasks and kind enough to let you laze in your corner. Unlike you, she was unfamiliar with growing plants and thought you were digging up in mud every day. So with minimal work you could have had extra hours of sleep or read a book, sometimes aloud to pass the time for both of you.
But now she is gone and your slumber was interrupted by an unexpected nice voice.
“Excuse me,” the client said with a polite expression. He had an even nicer, smooth face and a gentle smile. “I’m also looking for something for my mother’s grave. She died just a few days ago.”
Surprised, he’s addressing to you, you just pointed your finger at Spider Lily standing nearby. The slender flowers already had their characteristic upward spindly stamens and corrugated petals, giving them their unique charm. They attracted by their furiously red color that matched his irises.
That color spoke loudly: danger! They made you as anxious as when a man turned his attention to you.
You were disturbed, when he talked about his dead relative like he didn’t care what happened to her and how fast he was right next to you. You didn’t hear any footsteps or the creaking of the wooden floor under his weight.
Even more puzzling was how he could see you hidden behind many large leaves in a dark corner of the store.
You wanted Misaki to come back and take him away from you, but undeterred by your unkindness behavior, the man continued.
“Yes, I thought about it, but she didn’t like red. She associated it with bad luck.”
He spoke, looking at other flowers, but you still somehow felt his gaze on you. It was as if he was trying to keep you within the corner of his eye so you wouldn’t escape him.
You didn’t know what they were associating with for her, but from now on for you, they were with his eyes. Red as fresh blood.
“Is it available in blue?”
You swallowed your saliva with difficulty and nodded insecurely, when his cat’s pupils landed on you again without even turning his head towards you. You weren’t even sure you heard him right - he hypnotized you like a snake.
He finally turned his head to you and closed his eyes gently. It seemed to shine its own light. “Where are they?”
“We don’t have them right now… It’s very hard to grow and maintain them.”
You finally managed to gather inside enough to speak up and come out smoothly from an unconscious lie.
The man’s smiling expression turned to disappointment when he frowned. He pulled out a small leather purse from his pocket and handed it to you. The coins inside clinked pleasantly with every shake.
“Well, if you ever manage to grow them, could you keep them for me?”
At the same time Misaki returned from the warehouse with colored ribbons and decorative paper.
He immediately drew all his attention to her as if he had never spoken to you and composed with her advice one lovely, little bouquet for his wife and one for his daughter.
When he finally left, he didn’t ask for a refund or tell you how to notify him when the job will be done.
You felt like you made a deal with the devil and that it was too late to withdraw.
So you did some more shopping after work. Your boss let you go home earlier seeing your fatigue written on your face (again) and thought you were sick.
By the time you returned home, the sun was already slowly sinking into the west, even though it was still early. The charms of the coming winter.
That’s when you ran into the Demon Slayer. Hashira. You’ve occasionally seen low-ranking slayers in the city passing through or staying to take a break there, but you’ve only seen Hashira twice.
Your first meeting wasn’t the most pleasant, and if you could, you’d erase it from your memory.
It was a few years ago, when you still had no idea of the importance of their uniforms and demons walking among humans as myths inserted between other fairy tales.
But one unlucky night, your… friend was turned into a demon.
Terrified and badly wounded, she escaped from her home where the attack took place, but soon after, she was transformed into these things. Driven probably by hunger and instinct, she ran to you - to the place, where she felt most safe and where she knew, she could get help.
In the middle of the night you suddenly heard a loud sound, waking you from a deep sleep. Rubbing your eyes, you weren’t sure what it was until you heard it again.
It sounded more like the roar of a wounded animal than the weeping of a woman - through the thin walls you could hear her heavy gasp and squeak, when she stood in front of your house.
Why didn’t she attack you right away? Was she out of strength? Did she sense anything else? Something stronger than her?
Or was she fighting with herself?
Are there any good demons?
With the only weapon you had (and it was a metal fire poker) you opened the shōji door. There you saw in the full moonlight your friend lying in a pool of blood, curling in pain.
Without thinking, you ran to help her. Your head was empty, all you could think about was your friend. Wounded.
You didn't even have time to kneel beside her when she suddenly threw herself at you knocking you over onto the mud. You tried to push her away with a metal tool, but it was like a new force came into her.
Her jaw snapped in your face, almost biting your nose off. Saliva dripped from her mouth and chin splashing you, but you barely felt it.
Nor did you feel the strong gust of wind blowing her hair and knocking her head off her neck.
Suddenly she froze and her head hit you before fell to the ground next to you. Still on the poker, you held the rest of her inert body, which became even heavier.
“Oi, move.”
He said in a cold tone as he hid the katana in the cover - the green sheen of its blade blinded you for a second.
"Oi, you can't hear what I'm saying to you!? Get out of here!"
He saw you open and close your mouth before you muttered something, still in shock, looking back at the stagnant corpse in front of you.
“You...ed her... Mur...”
"Hmm?" He asked without hearing what you said. He sounded harsh and cold, like what he did was just killing a worm. "What?"
“A murder! You kill, killed her! Mur–!”
You weren't allowed to finish because a stranger punched you in the jaw and you fell face down again into the dirt beneath you mixed with her blood. Then stranger tugged you by the shoulder, dragging you to stand on your knees to look at him.
The air between you, besides the stench of blood, was filled with the strong smell of smoke and decomposing flesh.
"She wasn't a human anymore," he began unconsciously squeezing you by the shoulder and other hand. He almost broke your arm. You tried to wrestle, but you were too weak. "It's a demon!"
"No! It was–"
"It doesn't matter what or who she was to you before," he interrupted you violently and shook you again.
It made you feel some of the shock go away, allowing you to focus more on the man and the environment. You saw he was covered with numerous ugly scars. He reminded you of the monster the old women of your village warned about.
"Demons don't feel love or empathy, they're monsters. Bloodthirsty beasts who only want to quench their hunger."
When he let you go, you fell back to your knees. In an instant, your safe picture of the world crumbled into a million tiny pieces.
Tears slowly flowed into your eyes, but before they blurred your vision, you saw her body crumbling into dust.
Was that true or nightmare?
With nothing more to do for you, the man left. You didn't even notice, when he walked away from you. He left you alone to mourn your friend.
Although that's what he let you do.
Crying loudly, you didn't know what to do. You tried to lift her head, but you couldn't. You were still scared and shaking. You felt an invisible hand clutching your heart and throat as if it were about to crush them.
But you were still alive.
And she was falling apart right in front of you.
When the moon looked out from behind the thick clouds, you saw wet, shiny marks on her crumbling cheeks.
Are there good demons?
And when the sun came out of the horizon, there was nothing left of her but her bloody clothes. The only proof of what happened here.
After what happened and the mourning you shared with her family at the funeral, where you buried only her clothes, you wanted to know more.
You found out who white-haired man is and more about demons, but you didn't become a Demon Slayer.
The first ones killed your friend, the second hurt.
Since then, you've been trying to live your normal life, and you've started asking yourself...
Are there good demons?
You shake your head trying to get back to the present. That was long time ago, and you've get over with it, even though the memories still haunt you.
"I've brought some new seeds, but we'll probably plant them in the spring." You turned to the girl standing behind you.
She smiled at you gently nodding her head. Her silver hair swayed with her movement, reflecting the light of fire.
She looked amazing.
- - -
Your joint meeting was interrupted by a sudden knock and a vigorous shout of your name through the door.
It was Tanjiro Kamado.
Surprised by his visit, you went outside the cabin so he wouldn't see your guest. The snow fell quietly beneath your feet. In the mountains, winter came faster, and in the higher areas it can last even the whole year.
"Hello, Kamado-kun" you greeted him. The frost pinched your face and a small cloud of steam came out of your mouth. "What brings you here?"
"Ohayō!" Younger boy bowed to you. His nose, cheeks, and ears were fiercely red despite wearing a shawl on his head. "I thought you might be running out of coal and I wanted to see how you were doing."
Sweeten by his kindness and sincerity, you thanked him for his efforts. You both lived on the same mountain, but your cabin was on the other side. To reach it, he had to go down to the village, and then walk for a long time along a path circling the mountain before he started climbing again.
The road wasn't hard, but it was a long one, which is why you preferred to buy coal from him when you were downstairs so as not to bother him.
If you were alone, you'd have offered him in and tea. Maybe even the overnight stay, so he wouldn't have to come home in the dark and in the morning you would have escorted him to the village before you went to work.
"Oh, thank you. I'll pay you right away..."
You were reaching for your belt looking for a purse of money when suddenly he asked.
"Do you have a visitor?"
"Um, yes." You've been spin around trying to count the coins, but you've had a hard time doing it without feeling your fingertips.
You figured he must have sensed Mukago. The red-haired boy, as long as you can remember, had a perfect sense of smell. You wondered what exactly he sensed.
"The same one you took care of when she was sick?"
You nodded and didn't stop counting.
"What's she like?"
He asked unexpectedly. He knew a lot of smells, including the smell of human sadness, sorrow, or joy, but this one was completely new to him, so he couldn't determine who your mystery guest was.
"Oh, she's..." You've been thinking about trying to decide which term might best fit Mukago.
To a man-eating demon, who likes to wait for you in your attic. A demon who likes to watch you work on flowers and ask a lot of questions about them. A demon who, when she thinks you're asleep, strokes your hair or cheek gently.
"She's cute."
The boy nodded understandingly, knowing you were completely sincere. Then he stood with you for a while, trying to give you back some of the coins you gave him extra for coming all the way to your house, and you watched him leave happy.
The sun was half hidden behind the horizon and he didn't have time to get home before dark, but you weren't afraid for him. As far as you know, demons are very territorial, and Mukago's presence should deter weaker demons.
You didn't even think of the possibility that there might be a demon more powerful than her nearby...
But you weren't supposed to find out until the next morning from the other villagers and see two survivors disappear among the massacred bodies.
But that's not until tomorrow. Today, blissfully unaware, you returned to the inside of your home and your guest stiffly seated at your low table.
You could tell right away that she was more dreamy looking at you with her slightly spread lips showing white fangs, dilated pupils and...
You weren't sure, but is that the blush on her cheeks? She didn't hear you talking to Tanjiro, did she?
Right?
#request#nakime#demon slayer kimetsu no yaiba#kimetsu no yaiba#demon#demon slayer#demon slayer characters#daki kny#gyutaro#kny daki#daki demon slayer#mukago#upper moons#lower moons#daki x reader#mukago x reader#human reader#tw insects#tw blood#forbidden love#tw eating people
73 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Mai, have you seen the recent vivinos Patrin post? The one about the new Drowing bloom merch? The flowers assigned to each character is so good… esp Luka’s and its explanation. I’d love to hear your thoughts about it :DD
https://www.patreon.com/posts/about-alien-118074048
You've just earned yourself a 10 page essay about Alien Stage and Luka in particular 😭😭
Okay but fr. Let's start with the ground statement. In my personal opinion, alien stage is a series about love. Romantic love, familial love, platonic love, love of celebrities/idols. Everything in alien stage, every action, every song, every character are all driven by love.
Sua and Mizi are soulmates. Ivan and Till are friends and they do love eachother the friendly way, despite the fact that Ivan also has a nother, more romantic love for him, that could also be shared by Till. Till idolizes and romanticizes the innocence and kindness of Mizi. Hyuna obviously adores Mizi as well. I think it's adorable how there's even a sweet relationship between Mizi and Ivan, where Ivan is very brotherly to her.
Before anyone reads any further and wastes their time with my opinion, I want to say it straight up: I do believe Luka loves Hyuna. I do. Completely. Once we realize that there are more versions of love that can be twisted and toxic, but still at their core be love, it opens your eyes to a lot of possibilities. Not only is there a history between them, but there is also love.
This isn't to ask if Luka is a good person. I don't think he is. I adore him as a character, but in canon and in the fandom, I see him as misunderstood. But we know so little about him already. Luka doesn't get flashbacks to his past the way other characters do. The first time we even see him as a child is in Hyuna's song, but I definitely think that's going to change in this up coming video.
I was already sort of aware of Luka's style of love because of the way he looked at Hyuna, in the flash back in All-in and at the end of Blink Gone, but in one of the artbooks he also has a line of dialogue about her that really stuck with me. It was something along the lines of "If she'd just stayed with me, I would've kept her safe." Which genuinely just tickles my brain in all the right ways!
I definitely think there's way more depth to Luka's character that we just haven't gotten yet and I can not wait to find out the rest. Luka has been villainized by the fandom, rightfully so. He plays the game well, he's good at manipulating, and he knows how to get under people's skin just the right way. But that's Luka on stage. I believe that this new art piece as well as the upcoming Hyuna and Luka content are going to show us off stage Luka, the real Luka.
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
ADHD is a learning disability. You might've been gifted but not all of us are or were. As a person with ADHD who isn't a genius or whatever exceptional stereotype you're happy to be I'm sorry if tou don't want to have solidarity with me but we do have the same diagnostic label as me and you don't get to make a new bullshit terms to escape the taint of being given the same diagnostic label for their problems as me.
....Wow, okay.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer this publicly, privately, address the point in a different post, or just ignore it. I'm choosing to engage in good faith with this because when I share ADHD information I do so out of a desire to help others who may be in the same boat I was in and I want to clarify if that information is misunderstood.
The post I suspect you are referring to was specifically about people who are both "gifted" (which as a label has plenty of issues but that is what's used in the field and how you will see it referred to in most literature/resources, so that's what I will use) and ADHD at the same time. ADHD and giftedness are two independent things, and a person can be one or the other, both, or neither. (A term you will often see used to refer to a person with giftedness and a disability that impacts learning is "twice exceptional," so using that as a search term may be useful if you want to read more on the topic.)
ADHD is a disability that can seriously impact learning, but it is not technically considered a learning disability. (source: Learning Disablities Association of America). It is considered a neurodevelopmental disorder, similar to the autism spectrum. ASD, ADHD, and learning disabilities such as dyslexia can coexist in the same people in different combinations and any or all can also coexist with giftedness.
This article is older but has a good rundown of some of the issues around gifted + ADHD. A particularly relevant quote: "While a misdiagnosis of ADHD is undesirable, diagnostic errors of omission are just as serious and may be even more prevalent among gifted students. This difficulty occurs when a student’s over-reliance on strengths inadvertently obscures the disability. While emphasizing strengths may highlight a student’s gifts and talents, it does not eliminate the reality of the condition and can, in fact, lead to a worse predicament in which the student distrusts his or her abilities because of the struggle to maintain them. On the other hand, if a student is allowed to acknowledge and experience the disability, he or she may learn appropriate compensatory or coping skills."
The reason I share information specifically about gifted + ADHD is that this is what I personally am, and therefore I have the most experience to share about it. The reason I want to share it is not because I think I'm a super special genius or because I don't want to be in solidarity with others who are ADHD but not gifted. The reason I want to share my experiences is that my ADHD was not diagnosed until I was in my late thirties and that late diagnosis caused me a LOT of avoidable suffering in my life. If I can spare someone else that kind of suffering by sharing the things I learned, I want to do that.
I was not diagnosed early specifically BECAUSE I was also gifted, so most of the indicators that usually lead to children getting tested/diagnosed for ADHD were either attributed to me being gifted (boredom, hyperfocusing on reading a book, one million hobbies I jumped between constantly) or masked by the giftedness (if I could do the assignment quickly in study hall right before class or retain enough from class discussion to pass the test, nobody realized/cared that I wasn't doing homework or studying.)
Which was fine, when I was a kid. But the older I got, the harder it was to keep up with things. By the time I got to undergrad I alternated between high and low GPA terms as I desperately tried to keep my scholarships and managed to keep EXACTLY the minimum GPA I had to. The level of stress and pressure got higher and higher.
I went to grad school. I made a 4.0 my first term.
The second term, I failed all my classes, was put on academic probation, had a meltdown on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere so that my mom had to drive out to get me.
I didn't go back, and I officially failed out of grad school. I had finally reached the point that I could no longer brute force past my lack of executive function with giftedness. And it was fucking devastating. That happened more than twenty years ago and it still hurts to remember even though I've had a lot of therapy since then. I had spent my life being praised for being smart and had built a lot of my identity around that; failing out of grad school felt like a blow to not just my career plans but my SELF.
The years after that got better, but I was still perpetually struggling. Everything just seemed so much HARDER than it should - I bounced in and out of debt, I constantly struggled with work deadlines, I couldn't be on time to ANYTHING, I was stressed out ALL THE TIME. I periodically just broke down and couldn't function for days. I kept making "careless errors" and "stupid mistakes" like forgetting to pay a $20 bill until it got sent to collections even though I had the money to pay it sitting in my checking account. I knew I knew HOW to do the things I didn't do and I knew I was smart enough to do them, so why couldn't I seem to manage it?
I must just... be a horrible person, I concluded. I didn't feel lazy or disrespectful or uncaring, but if I wasn't, surely I would remember birthdays and be on time for things and be able to keep my house clean and my checkbook balanced like normal people could, right?
I probably would have kept on this way indefinitely if a dear friend who was gifted + ADHD had not said "you know, the way you talk about your life sounds a lot like the way I was before I got diagnosed. Maybe you should see someone and check it out."
And I did. And I got diagnosed. And I started treatment. And it fucking CHANGED MY LIFE.
It didn't take away my struggles--far from it--but it helped me understand them, and gave me strategies to help address them, and gave me support to work around/through them. I still have to swim, but before I had weights tied to my feet and now I have a floatie to help keep my head above the water.
I want EVERYONE with ADHD to receive the supports and treatment they need to live their best lives. The information I share about the way ADHD intersects with my own personal brain configuration is meant to help anyone else out there who has a similar one. If it isn't helpful to you personally, I hope you find other sources that do and I wish you the best.
#adhd#twice exceptional#Also please nobody dogpile on the OP#let's have a little grace for each other#it's not like anyone else will
99 notes
·
View notes
Text
on one hand reading a piece on the treatment of sexuality and gender in sci fi and going 'psh yeah i know all of this its so basic' is good bcos it means i dont have to think about it but also it means that Oh No i have severely misunderstood where our baseline is if This is the assigned reading. currently looking up things to bolster my argument for 'sexuality is constructed because gender is constructed because sex is constructed' because i may have to argue this and aggressively gesturing at my beard will only do so much in my favour
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
I know you’re swamped with many g/t tropes but i have to know:
One of my favorite g/t tropes is when the tiny gets sacrificed to the giant. What are your thoughts on that?
*Kicks down the door*
Dr. Ento is back Baby.
This is certainly an interesting trope, though certain aspects of it need to be expanded upon for me to have a firm grasp on the scenario.
Moving forward I am going to be making assumptions about the trope. If I am off base, please feel free to book a follow up appointment at your earliest convenience.
My main assumption moving forward are that this is not a "true sacrifice" scenario involving death.
Though the context of the preferred sacrifice can be deeply insightful
Are they sacrificed to appease a caring and gentle giant who does not want these sacrifices other than to rescue them?
Does the giant normally eat/kill the sacrifices and they are the exception for whatever reason?
Are they being sacrificed for any particular reason (atonement, being unwanted etc...) ?
All of these scenarios likely have some subconscious imagery that would be very telling to explore.
As per normal, we also should analyze where you see yourself - as the giant or the tiny?
For example, seeing oneself as a benevolent giant taking pity on a tiny thief who was caught and offered up as a sacrifice could show the way you value forgiveness and understanding- if you pay particular attention to the traits you would assign to said tiny, you would likely find some projected traits that you yourself may want to be forgiven for as well (either by others or by yourself). Normally this is a bit more subtle than "They are a thief, I want to be forgiven for stealing"- you may assign the thief a cold personality, or make them untrusting, or give them a past that closely reflects part of your own.
Seeing the tiny as the exception to the sacrifice could imply that the tiny exemplifies something you deeply desire or cherish in yourself.
The giant being awestruck with the tinys beauty could be a longing for someone to show you special attention or infatuation. Perhaps the tiny escapes, and it is their nerve/skills that captivate the giant. You may wish for others to see you as brave and capable, and what better way to concentrate that fantasy than having those traits recognized by someone of magnitude.
Being the more cruel giant yourself could allude to a power fantasy- a yearning to be feared. While this may sound cruel on the surface often times it is a subconscious defense- if others are scared of you, you yourself are safe from harm (context dependent obviously.) Wanting that kind of fear in others could be a projection of the fear that has been instilled in you in some way/shape or form.
Another take could be that it is your subconscious expressing feelings of isolation and ostracization that you face in your day to day. Even if you envision yourself as the tiny, try to think of what traits you typically assign to the giant. Are they traits that you can see reflected in yourself? Further dissect those that ring true, especially with what you might feel misunderstood with; Being loud, scary, too friendly, too cold etc...
Sacrifice in and of itself is a strong metaphor that for the most part is universally understood; giving something up. Now I could expand on this, as there is a great beauty in sacrifice, but for the sake of time I will stick with the simple definition. This trope (under the aforementioned assumptions) subverts the expectation of the sacrifice. Something is not given up- because a part of us (or perhaps a vision of someone you know) is being sacrificed and the object of the sacrifice is choosing that the sacrifice itself is of more value than what it is being sacrificed for- in short, it has worth.
Sacrifice tropes very often deal with massive amounts of fearplay and trust, as do so many of our beloved g/t tropes, but it is this metaphor of worthiness that I see as the most poignant part- what truly sets this trope apart from others.
I hope you enjoyed our session today, please take the time to further dissect the aspects of what entices you about this trope for more insight on your personal psyche.
----
My secretary is just right outside the office. We accept cash, credit and Canadian Tire Money as form of payment. I look forward to seeing you at our next appointment.
#YO I AM BACK AT THESE#I MISSED THESE SO MUCH#THERE ARE SOME DOOZIES IN THE INBOX#g/t#giant/tiny#g/t community#g/t shitpost#g/t tropes#G/t trope psychology
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
How That One Only Friends Thread Demonstrated How Misinformation Operates: A Case Study (LOL)
Disclaimer: This is not really a case study but an analysis and venting room. Lol. If you are new here, this Tumblr account was originally made for my college majors so woop de woop. I am actually about to sleep but there is this one post in X about Only Friends that made me get up and type this post. I do not want to bring drama from other platforms but yenno.
If you are going to raise your brows at me for writing this, sue me, I guess. On what grounds though? Anyway, I will also not drop names like we only assign aliases akin to psychology case vignettes. After explaining the context, I will also delve into the audience's reaction to the said thread. I may be reading too much into this, actually no, because I made this yawn. I am typing this without a filter.
Anyway, this going to be a long-ass post...
Context: There is this one big account from X who is an avid viewer of Only Friends. As far as I know, big accounts are users who have a following of a thousand and above. Let us name this account user AB. According to the pinned tweet of the AB, they will translate for their fandom--the catch is, they will only translate specific scenes of the couple/ship they support. If they see that it is not related to the ship, they will cut it.
AB's Claims (aka their translation of the book):
Boston is in love with Top. Top got Boston's heartbroken that he started sleeping around and developed commitment issues.
Boston is mad at Top so he pushed Mew to Top because he thought the two would not take each other seriously--particularly Top because he is used to one-night stands.
Boston did not want to hurt Mew.
Boston is just a pookie and misunderstood character--this implies what he did to Top just makes sense
Counter-claims (from the same OF novel)
Boston sleeps around EVEN BEFORE he met Top
It was mentioned in the book that the reason why Cheum, Boston, Ray, and Mew are friends is because they are all rebelling against the standards set by society. Fact 1: It was actually established in the book that Boston hates living in the shadow of his father who is a respected politician. Fact 2: Boston sleeps around and is popular for giving people benefits. As such, he was threatened once to be exposed by the senior with whom he had an encounter. Said senior wanted them to stay for some time so they could brag about dating the politician's kid.
2. Will not argue with this one but come to think of it, Boston knows what he is signing up for. It was mentioned countless times that Top sleeps around and thinks of people as one-night stands. Top even created a rule and once they exceeded that certain time period, bye bye. The same goes for Boston. Even in the series, Boston does not want to have romantic relationships.
3. Boston ACTUALLY wants to hurt not JUST Top but Mew
If you looked for snippets of the novel, Boston actually called Mew bland. BLAND. Idk but calling your friend bland just because you think you are the BEST and is jealous is hmmm...
This leads us to...
4. Boston is not a pookie character, folks, and it is okay to admit it
He actually SAed Top. It was even stated in his POV that Boston forced himself to Top because he wanted to show him that he was better than his bland friend Mew. Yep. He is mad. He is jealous. He called his friend bland at that time because insecurity reared his ugly head.
To be honest, people have favorites and biases. I have one. You have one, too.
What I did not actually like is how AB specifically stated that they would not translate the parts except their favorite ship but cherry-picked translating aka interpreting Boston and Top's relationship.
As such, there are specific parts that are lost: like how AB did not include the part where Boston SAed Top. In the novel, it was much more detailed. Top actually had difficulties breathing to the point of almost losing consciousness. Yep, that is how extremely unsettling it is in the novel. He pushes his lower body to Top even if does not respond to him--because at that time, he is already in love with Mew.
So why am I writing all of this? I mentioned that everyone has biases but why? It is because I disliked misinformation and at the same time, I find it amusing how a simple fan's sentiments of Only Friends is actually a prototype of misinformation operations that can be/is applied in political spaces.
How is it similar to how the dissemination of misinformation works?
ONE: The thread has a deliberate omission of some information. Certain parts of the translation are cherry-picked because of their biases and yes, this is not the first time AB demonstrated their dislike for TopMew. This time, it is done in a subtle manner.
TWO: The thread evokes certain emotions in the audience. Like I've said earlier, we all have biases and certainly, we feel sad for our favorite character or celebrity especially if we think that they are underdog. An exemplary example of this is the way people feel sympathy for underdog politicians.
See how the Philippines voted for Duterte because he is a simple man who had no machinery but an honest mouth (actually just foul-mouthed and straight-up crap anyway). They also reelected Marcos Jr., aka the son of the dictator Marcos Sr., to the position. All because of misinformation.
In Only Friends, only Boston and Nick have no definite endings. Now that the two pairs ended up together but not them, fans of the ship are more vulnerable and easily swayed by emotions.
The comments of the users who interacted with the thread goes along the lines of: "Wow! I hate Top even more!" "Boston is just a baby who is misunderstood!" "He is my pookie. Sadlyf." "They did my baby Boston dirty."
THREE: The said emotions and ingrained ideas by the sources make it easier for people to ignore fact-checking and consume only what is available to them. You might think that I am unfair for comparing fandom reactions and sentiments to much serious world problems but like I said, this is a prototype. A mini reflection. Almost.
The most frustrating part is that some people do not bother to fact-check it--like if AB really has a book and is translating it based on the content OR AB is actually interpreting it, adding and subtracting things.
In addition, AB cannot give the page number of the source material so those who have the novel can check if what they are saying is true.
I mean this is not an isolated case. Even K-POP fandoms and the like are like this.
It just happens that this case unfolded in front of my eyes like wow. I need to write/type that. LMAO.
FOUR: AB's thread is a mini echo chamber
Once a fan/internet user is trapped in their own echo chamber and only sees things they like, they will most likely think that everything is true and what they believe is true is true. This is similar to algorithms used in misinformation and disinformation operations.
Going back, if you checked AB's post, a lot of people liked it and retweeted it. It has high engagements because AB is a big account. Let us face it, not everyone has the money to buy a book and they will consume what is available to them. The very same people are the ones who will engage with the post and retweet the hell out of them to show support.
Those who will correct the information AB has given will be ignored because people choose to believe the source. Like who cares if AB is wrong? It satisfies my ego too. Lol.
This is why YouTube removed the dislike button because it is a way for people to silently agree or disagree on something. This is also true for X.
The said echo chamber makes misinformation easier to spread. What is worse is if the source has a stable following aka large audiences.
I know, people will raise their brows and say that I am in an echo chamber too by liking Mew and to a certain extent TopMew but hahaha. Anyway...
If you are still reading this, wow! I hope you are still okay. Lol. I am sorry that I analyzed this thing way too much (in reality, I do not, I am actually typing the first thing I can think of).
I am sorry not sorry that the thread and the fandom behavior is just something that I had to bring it here and write. If people will criticize me for this, then, please be my guest. Lol.
Like did user devyuance just compare a thread to misinformation? Why not other threads? Why this one? I mean, this is something that I know of soooo. Wild? I mean, I just said what I said. The reason why my username is devyuance is because of deviance.
Sidenote, if you are still a college student in social sciences and searching for a research topic, you might want to delve deeper into this!
Raise your brows. Idc. Bye.
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ok, some time ago I told @transgenderer something to the effect of "if you want to acquire a good understanding of the cross-linguistic patterns in phonology, you kinda just have to read a bunch of grammars and phonology papers; it's difficult to find a source which summarizes all the data comprehensively and neutrally". And that's unfortunately true, but crucially I did forget to mention the existence of searchable typological databases. For phonological inventories there's PHOIBLE, for general language structures there's WALS, there's also a lot of data at the UCLA Phonetics Lab Archive, and for rare features and putative universals, there's the Universität Konstanz Rara & Universals Archive. There used to be something specifically for phonotactics, the World Phonotactics Database at http://phonotactics.anu.edu.au/, but it's no longer online. Apparently they are planning to bring it back eventually.
These are all great starting points for getting a sense of what does and does not occur in language and how widely. None of them (well, excluding the UCLA Phonetics Lab Archive because that's not really a typological database) should be trusted about any specific language without consultation of the relevant literature. Despite best efforts on the parts of the people who organize these projects, the fact is that many languages are simply very poorly documented and ill-understood, and these databases must make a choice on how to code the relevant data points, leaving aside crucial information about the level of certainty. On top of that, especially before recent times many authors used idiosyncratic notation that may be ambiguous or have been misunderstood by the people entering the data into the database, etc.
PHOIBLE is especially sensitive to the fact that what phonetic symbols are assigned to the phonemes of a language is to some extent an arbitrary choice on the part of whoever is doing the analysis. Usually you'll pick something like the most common phonetic realization of the phoneme, or the realization in the least marked environment, or something like that, but ultimately (moderately controversial claim incoming) there's no ascertainable ground truth to what the underlying values of individual phonemes "really are". The whole point of phonemes is that they have a range of values in different environments! So there's ground truth to phonological system as a whole, and assigning specific phonetic symbols to each phoneme is a convenient way to distill the gist of phonetic realization at a glance, but it's ultimately kind of arbitrary. Looking at phoneme inventories can give you a sense of the kind of phonetic features which tend to be contrastive crosslinguistically, but but you have to be very careful interpreting the data.
Uh, right, so these databases are useful tools, especially because they're searchable. But you have to be really careful with them.
60 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ok give me your feelings on SidStein and Sid/Naigus
First, to others waiting for ask answers - I answer out of order, sorry. I gotta go with what I'm in the mood to reply to and/or have time to reply to. So yeah.
Second, I'm DUMB I did not realize this ask was for the Bingo-card thing until you sent the ask a second time. So I'll answer to that second one with the Bingo card because...... I typed up this LOOOOOOONG reply that you see here, and realized right as I was about to drop it into queue that I'd totally misunderstood the ask. But. I wanted to ramble about this, so, the internet gets my opinions regardless.
I have SO many thoughts about Stein and Sid and things I plan to write (some very soon, which are mentioned herein but not in a fic context). Headcanons incoming!
Okay so I don't ship Stein/Sid but they are definitely very good friends. I think it probably started in the academy when Sid joined their class super-young just like Stein did. Younger than the average student, but not quite as young as Stein was. Very talented. I think he'd have caught Stein's attention for his skill at a young age, and also for his no-nonsense way of looking at things. Stein struggles with morality, and Sid is very black and white about everything. He never has those debates with himself, he's just got the answer ready to go. So I think that would have intrigued Stein.
Another thing is, Sid wouldn't have looked at Stein as a freak nor been afraid of him. In Sid's typical manner of taking things at face value, that's how he'd have taken Stein. Another talented meister who happens to enjoy vivisection as a hobby and thus he'd know to watch his back in that regard, but no differently than he watches his back generally. He truly wouldn't treat Stein differently than anyone else. This too would catch Stein's notice.
They'd become friends in a different way than Stein and Spirit are friends. No living together, only seeing each other in class, on assignments, and socially when Stein gets dragged out by Spirit to do things. And Sid would just...treat him like he treats everyone else. So, this and Sid's unique black and white take on everything would intrigue Stein.
He'd soon learn of and rely on Sid's absolute loyalty and trustworthiness in battle. He would possibly gradually make Sid a confidant and/or distraction as the world slowly begins to fall out from under Stein, as he sees a future coming where he may lose his weapon and then ultimately...it happens.
I think Sid stayed by Stein's side after that... After Spirit was gone, and with him, Stein's thready hold on sanity... (Or was Spirit also a hold on madness, hmm~) I think Sid was a rock for Stein in that time, because that's the kind of man Sid is. He's not the type to leave a friend in need. Even if he doesn't know how to help. And I think they'd remain good friends through the following years and Sid would be one of the reasons Stein didn't just...vanish off into the ether after losing Spirit.
I think Sid was a strong grounding force for Stein through those remaining years of Stein's adolescence and young adulthood even though Sid is younger. His unique grasp of morality would have continued to fascinate and confuse Stein, and be something he could use in his own confused rationalizations as he suddenly finds himself forced to navigate life without his weapon, using other weapons, and...then what, after he graduates? Sid would still be there.
So... I think when Sid died, Stein couldn't take it. He couldn't take the loss of another friend. But this time...he just might be able to do something about it. So he did. (I looked it up but couldn't find it anywhere, but some people imply?? That Lord Death ordered Stein to bring Sid back. If that's canon someone please direct me to the reference; maybe it's in SE NOT? I think Stein did it all on his own....)
So anyway....yeah. And I think after bringing Sid back to life, they remained good friends. Plenty of canon evidence (in both canons) to suggest as much. :)
Moving on now... Sid/Naigus. I've less to say here, I don't think about them too much. First off, yes, I like the ship. I think they were a couple while still in the academy together. I also think Naigus is slightly older than Sid. I think she was always there, an extension of Sid even through his friendship with Stein. Another calm and steady presence that perplexed and also helped steady our madman.
I also think Naigus reels Sid in from extremes. Because he's so black and white about everything, there may be areas that warrant some thought spent in the gray area that he is oblivious to, and she offers him that balance. Her thoughtfulness complements his iron will. Likewise, he brings out the best in her. A little knife who never makes death scythe, but is the choice weapon of someone who ultimately becomes a renowned three-star meister, highly-regarded teacher, and one in Lord Death's inner circle? And he chooses her. His fortitude would help her increase her confidence in herself, to be more sure and forthright with her opinions, even if they clash with his; after all, he's never shy of sharing, so why should she be? I think she has a deep empathy, but she's also as no-nonsense as Sid. She'll take the time to read people and a situation that Sid may not, but she won't pander to anyone.
I'm terrible at jokes and puns, but I keep wanting to say something here about... quick stabs of wisdom? They both cut to the chase? Someone more clever than me can say something about this later.
Are they a couple? Oh yes, yes they are. Sid likes women, and Mira likes Sid. I don't really know what else to say on that except they like everything about each other. Looks, personality, attitude, fighting styles... And they respect each other. They don't balk if the other tells them they need to rein something in; they'll listen. They know the other knows them that well. They're meister and weapon, after all. Who knows another's soul better than their partner?
Now, manga!Sid..... And I know you've not read it, so I won't spoil... But we're gonna ignore certain aspects of manga!Sid's personality because I think anyone reading this who has read the manga can agree with me that those aspects of Sid are just the author projecting his own...tendencies...onto the character. That's as far as I'll go with that. Sometimes things are just blatantly...not truly part of the story. So yeah.
THANK YOU again for this ask, I've actually had Stein and Sid on my mind quite a lot in these last few weeks. A fic is being mentally written, haha, and I looooove it.
#soul eater#franken stein#stein#sid barret#sid barett#spirit albarn#mira naigus#naigus#spirit#CrossStitch#death scythe#actual correct bingo ask answer pops out of queue tomorrow lol
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
➼ “Stop smothering me, you dumbass.” “It’s to make up for the lack of hugs in all these years in your life when I wasn’t there!” for stobotnik? :>
Agent Stone was no one before he got assigned to Doctor Robotnik. Even on the force, he was never truly... Wanted. Which, in hindsight, might be why he was assigned to the also widely dislike doctor.
But the doctor, his doctor understood. Sure, there were times he insulted him, times he put him down, times he treated him like nothing more than an inconvenience...
But there were times he made it clear that he knew the truth: he needed Stone as much as he needed him. And then, there were rare, rare occasions where Robotnik showed a completely genuine side of himself. True openness and weakness was rare for him but... Stone was happy to know he was the only one to see that.
As they sat alone one weekend, Robotnik happily sipping on one of his favorite lattes, Stone couldn't help but wonder...
"Sir? If I may ask... What were you doing before we met?" He asked, a bit pensive. He wasn't sure of the doctor would lash out but... He couldn't satiate his curiosity. He needed to at least try to ask.
And... Part of him wanted to know just how special he was to Robotnik. Was there anyone important before him?
Robotnik cocked an eyebrow, putting his coffee down. "Interested in my history, are we, Agent Stone?" He asked, a devilishly handsome grin spreading across his face. "Well, I have been thinking of writing an autobiography. Let the world know the great tale of the universe's most handsome, intelligent, and powerful man that ever has or will live and breathe!" As always, his words were loud and dramatized. And as always, Stone couldn't do anything but smile lovingly.
"I'm sure it will be a best seller, sir," he said genuinely. The world deserved to know of such a fantastic genius.
"Of course it will! Play your cards right and I'll make sure you get a signed copy, agent." The grin on Robotnik's face set Stone's heart aflame. "And I suppose I could give you a preview right now, since you've asked so kindly."
The doctor cleared his throat and rose from his seat and began pacing the floor as he talked, his motions as over the top and beautiful as ever. "As you are already so keenly aware of, I was tragically orphaned from a very young age. But I never once let that stop me. Yes, I was always a step, no five steps!! Ahead of my peers. And while this did leave me so deeply misunderstood, I never needed friends! The other children were unintelligent, disloyal little bugs, not worth even a nanosecond of my time! I created my first loyal, lovely robot from a radio at the tender, youthful age of four, and from there, my babies were all I ever needed."
Stone hung onto every word and... He couldn't help to notice a slight, ever so brief change in Robotnik's tone when he talked about the other children he grew up around...
They weren't so different, were they?
"My genius, flawless intellect carried me to earning my doctrine at 16, and from there, I continued my innovative research in technology for years to come thanks to substantial government funding. I never had time for 'parties' or 'friends' or other... Moronic wastes of precious time. I had science! And science! And my babies, of course, were all I needed."
There was that wavering again... It was starting to hurt Stone's heart...
"The government assigned me many, many agents before I met you, and each felt more moronic, disobedient, and impetulant than the last! And then... There was you, Stone. You understood my intellect! You listened and obeyed so flawlessly! And, you made a killer latte." Stone thought he could faint from all the praise. Robotnik stopped in his tracks just next to his chair, and stayed there, grinning wildly. "And now, here we are! Sure we've had our ups and downs, but we haven't been defeated yet! Our time will come, Agent Stone! And when it does... We'll prove every imbecile that doubted me wrong."
There wasn't Robotnik's usual confidence in the last statement. In fact there... Seemed to be a bit of pain behind the words. Stone couldn't take it. He did the one thing he could think of, something he wanted to do for years now. Something he should have done long, long, long before...
He stood up, boldly grabbed his beloved doctor's arm, and pulled him in for a tight, tight hug, not daring to let go.
"Stone! I- what is the meaning of this... Affection?! Let me go this instant!" Despite his protests, Robotnik didn't fight the hug at all. "I can't- stop smothering me, you imbecile!"
Stone just held the doctor closer, burying his face in the other coat. "It's to make up for the lack of hugs in all these years of your life when I wasn't there, sir." He never was this bold but... He needed Robotnik to know he didn't have to be alone.
"I- I don't need-! I... Stone you-" Finally, Robotnik groaned in defeat, slowly returning the hug with equal force, making Stone's heart race faster than he thought possible. "Don't get used to this, agent. And don't you dare tell another living soul."
"Of course not sir. It's our secret."
#my writing#sonic the hedgehog#sonic the hedgehog movie#sonic movie#agent stone#doctor robotnik#stobotnik#aaaa
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
maeumi & me - ch 26 : misunderstood
a/n : written part comes first. ignore timestamps in pictures as usual but not for the written part!
w.c. : around 2k oops
9:30 am.
You're in the midst of stealing another sneaky glance at Jungwon as he works when Heeseung arrives. He walks over to your table and flops down opposite to you, his annoyance evident in his sarcastic smile. You roll your eyes.
“Okay fineee, I lied about where I was. But I am doing my homework here as you can see!” You wave your worksheets at him. “It's just that Won has been bugging me to try the café's new Dalgona coffee and I was like, what’s so great about Dalgona right, I mean I can make it myself at home and he was like, no we add this special ingredient that makes it absolutely delightful and I was like.…” you trail off, realising you’re rambling and not really helping your case, judging by the look on your friend's face. You clear your throat. “Anyway, I had some time left since my first hour today was cancelled and I thought I might as well come here and get some coffee and finish my homework and I didn't tell you because I mean, you've already been bugging me non-stop since last night,”
“Well of course I have!You two almost kissed!!” he shrieks, drawing the attention of a table of friends nearby.
“Shhh, quiet down he's literally a few feet away! Also wait, you saw that?”
“Yuh huh! Why else do you think I've been losing my–”
“So you interrupted us on purpose?” Shit. Did you actually ask that out loud? You hadn’t meant to. “Actually no forget I said that–”
Heeseung’s eyebrows shoot up, an amused smile replacing his scowl. “Well, I–”
“Nuh uh I don't wanna hear it la la la la la la,” you plug your ears with your hands.
He shakes his head. “Y/n, come on. What are you doing? It's so obvious that you like Jungwon–”
“I don't like him! It's just that he's so nice to Maeumi and so sweet to me and– Ugh, hold on I'm getting a call. Hello?”
It's your classmate calling you up to remind you about the meeting for a group assignment. You promise her you’ll be there on time and hang up. You turn your focus back to Heeseung, who is leaning forward with his hands crossed on the table, looking at you with patient scepticism. You sigh - he’s right. What are you doing? Why are you trying to dismiss these feelings that are as clear as day? “I know that look.”
“What look?”
“The look that says you don't believe my bullshit.”
“Well you got something right at least.”
You put your head into your hands. “Fine. I like him, okay? Maybe a little too much. And yes I came here so I could see him again even though it’s barely been two hours since I saw him back at Jake’s place. And it's just. Ahhhh. I don't know, I've never liked anyone this way before and it feels so nice but also weird because it’s new and a little overwhelming sometimes and I just maybe need some time to come to terms with it before you guys all start freaking out,”
He nods and leans back in his seat, satisfied. “Okay.”
You look up at him in disbelief. “‘Okay’?? That's it???”
He laughs. “What, did you expect me to demand to know everything right now? Come on Y/n, give me some credit. I’m not that bad of a friend.”
“Debatable,” you tease, ducking as he reaches to hit you playfully. “Well no it’s not that. I just, I don’t know, expected a bigger reaction I guess?”
“You know you guys have not really been discreet or anything right? It’s kind of been a little too obvious the past few days. But I will say that I wasn’t expecting you guys to go in for a kiss last night right when I happened to walk in. Which is why I may have, uh, panicked a little and ended up switching on the light,” he flashes you a sheepish smile.
You shake your head, feeling your cheeks get hot as you think back to the moment. God, so close. If only you hadn't been interrupted... “You lil shit,”
“Wha– you just said it yourself, it’s weird! I’ve never seen you do ‘romancey’ stuff and you've always been so blehh about dating and relationships and now suddenly you can’t stop gushing about this guy and I don't know, it's like seeing your sibling kiss. Gross,” he cringes and you slap his hand.
“Ow! Also, where is Jungwon?”
9:06 am.
Jungwon has practically been vibrating all morning from the excitement of what happened last night. Well, of course nothing really happened, strictly speaking. Still, he was happy at the prospect of it. At the idea that he maybe has a chance with you after all. Like, he’s had a crush on you for so long, it seems unreal. He had almost fully accepted the fact that that was all it was ever going to be – a crush. And then things happened, and here he was. He bites the inside of his cheek, trying to keep himself from smiling. From the corner of his eye, he catches the weird looks his older co-barista, Taehyun, has been giving him.
The front door opens with a ding of the bell, indicating the arrival of another customer. Jungwon finishes serving the caffè mocha he was making just in time to greet the new one.
“Good morning, what–” he stops short when he looks up and sees that it’s you. He stutters and completely forgets what he meant to say and gives up halfway. From the way he’s grinning, even a passerby who chances to see him from the sidewalk outside could guess he’s head over heels. Taehyun recognises you immediately – he's only seen Jungwon behave like an idiot one other time, which was the first time you had come here a couple of weeks ago. Jungwon had immediately dropped everything he was doing and had all but run to you despite how busy the cafe had been that day, leaving the poor guy to deal with the growing line of customers all by himself. Although it had been a bit of an inconvenience, Taehyun didn't give him too much of a hard time about it because for one thing, it had been kind of cute to see him all flustered, and for another, Jungwon was someone who was usually pretty diligent with his work.
But here you are again. Cue Jungwon forgetting how to function like a normal human being.
“Hi,” Jungwon finally says, barely able to restrain the grin that he knows is a little too wide to be casual. “What are you doing here?”
You can't help but laugh. “You have got to stop greeting me like that every time I come here! Do you not like me visiting you at work?” You turn as if to leave, mostly to see how he'd react.
“No no wait sorry!” He reaches over and grabs your arm, planting it on the counter. “I just meant that if you were planning on coming here then we could've left together,” he drawls.
“Well, it was more of a last minute decision. Class got cancelled and I thought I'd just drop by and check out the new drink you were raving about. See what all the fuss is about,” you shrug nonchalantly, though the twinkle in your eyes betrays you. You're hyper-aware of the fact that his hand is ever-so-lightly brushing your forearm.
“Oh you’ll see alright,” he assures you, and with just a hint of nervousness seeping into the confidence, he enquires, “so, is that the only reason you're here?” He steals a quick glance at your lips, the pretty curve of them, before meeting your eyes again.
“Why else?” you ask, as though you have no idea what he could possibly be alluding to, although your hammering heart and the cheeky grin spreading across your face tell otherwise. Jungwon’s own giddy smile says he isn’t slow to catch on, either.
“I see. Strictly beverage purposes then.”
“Strictly,” you nod solemnly, suppressing your smile.
Taehyun clears his throat. “So, your order?”
You blink, suddenly remembering that you have an audience, and also that you're not just here to see Jungwon (well that's the story anyway). “Oh right, yes! Sorry. One Dalgona coffee, please.”
Jungwon flashes you an apologetic smile as he gets to work. “Sit wherever you'd like, your order will be ready in 10!”
Jungwon is so nervous about getting your order absolutely perfect that he messes up twice. Taehyun shakes his head, both amused and exasperated. When Jungwon starts to try for the third time, he stops him. “Gimme, I'll do it.” Jungwon mumbles a relieved thank you before internally chiding himself to get a grip. He can't continue to be such a mess every time you're around.
When he's done, Taehyun places the drink on the counter, ready to be served. He can see Jungwon open his mouth to say something and then change his mind and turn away. This happens again when he sees the waiter approaching and Taehyun rolls his eyes. “Oh my God, Jungwon, just go. I know you're itching to give it to them yourself,” he says, smiling despite himself.
Jungwon rubs the back of his neck, embarassed. “You sure?”
“Yeah yeah. We're not that busy yet it's fine. But just don't stay too long – you never know when our manager might drop by to check.”
He places the tray on the table in front of you, making sure to keep it as far away as possible from your books and worksheets so as to not ruin them.
“Ooo, what's this?” you ask, pointing to the ice cream sandwiches.
“Just little complementary treats.”
He watches you take the first sip and sees your eyes widen. “Oh, my God. This is a-mazing! What do you put in it?!”
“Well, it’s called a secret ingredient for a reason,” he beams. If he keeps being this cute you feel like one of these days you might just let your intrusive thoughts win and reach out to poke a finger into his adorable dimples. “Alright well enjoy the rest of it. I'm afraid I gotta get back,”
As he walks back, Jungwon finds that he's kind of glad the kiss didn't happen last night – he would like to properly ask you out first. How should he do it? Maybe he should keep it sweet and simple, make you a latte heart or something. Yeah, maybe you’d like that. And what should your first date be? Something cliché like a movie or dinner date? Or something unique? Ahh, he doesn’t know. If it were up to him, he’d just be content to have you over and do what you used to do before he started the internship. He doesn't care what you do as long as you are together.
9:32 am.
Jungwon steals a glance at your table and is surprised to find Heeseung with you. Huh. Guess you two had plans to meet up here. He waits as he serves two other customers to see if Heeseung would come to order anything for himself. When he doesn’t, Jungwon decides to go over himself and say hi.
As he approaches, he notices that you two seem to be deep in conversation, talking animatedly, and he slows, wondering if he should maybe come back after a while. Bits of the conversation float up to him right then and he freezes :
“It's so obvious that you like Jungwon–”
“I don't like him! It's just that he's so nice to Maeumi and so sweet to me and– Ugh, hold on I'm getting a call. Hello?”
Oh.
Right.
Of course.
It suddenly feels like someone just sucked all the sunlight out of the room. Jungwon turns right around, relieved that neither of you noticed him approaching. Taehyun looks up from scrolling through his phone when Jungwon rushes back to the counter. He yanks his apron off, hangs it up hastily and grabs his things to leave.
“Wha–” Taehyun starts to ask but Jungwon cuts him off.
“Something came up. I have to go,” he apologises for the short notice and is out the door before the latter even has a chance to reply.
a/n : please tell me at least one of y'all noticed the foreshadowing from profiles 2 🙏🏽
prev | masterlist | next
#kpop fluff#enhypen fluff#enhypen imagines#enhypen smau#enhypen x gender neutral reader#kpop smau#yang jungwon social media au#kpop imagines#yang jungwon x reader#jungwon imagines#jungwon fluff#jungwon angst#kpop angst#kpop fanfic#enhypen x reader#enhypen jungwon#enha x reader#enhypen#yang jungwon
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alright :/
What do I need to do?
Let's talk negatives since I tend to think in negatives.
I need to not end up in the mental hospital again.
I need to not self sabotage.
I need to not doomscroll.
I need to not retreat into oblivion.
I need to disarm my alarm system. Actually, yeah, that. All of my negatives are my alarm system shrieking and me trying to respond to it.
Number two (though they aren't really in much of any order) on my top recommended reading list is Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. It's a great book. I think not merely for creative writing but also just has good life advice all around.
The titular advice, take the undoable, in the story an assignment to bird watch over an entire summer, procrastinated to the very end when it is essentially impossible, and just concentrate on doing what you can do, bird by bird, one mechanical step at a time. is perfect for these sorts of moments. Dealing with everything is not possible right now. It probably never is. So, ground. Look at what you need NOW. One step. That's it. Just one. One Bird on the list and don't worry about the rest until you've done that bird. All the other birds are a problem for future you. All you have to do is take ONE bird off future you's plate. Give the rest of the tasks to them, later.
For me, though, the best advice in it is her discussion of Radio Station K-FKD (That's pronounced by the letters in polite company and K-fucked the rest of the time).
If you are not careful, station KFKD will play in your head twenty-four hours a day, nonstop, in stereo. Out of the right speaker in your inner ear will come the endless stream of self-aggrandizement, the recitation of one’s specialness, of how much more open and gifted and brilliant and knowing and misunderstood and humble one is. Out of the left speaker will be the rap songs of self-loathing, the lists of all the things one doesn’t do well, of all the mistakes one has made today and over an entire lifetime, the doubt, the assertion that everything that one touches turns to shit, that one doesn’t do relationships well, that one is in every way a fraud, incapable of selfless love, that one has no talent or insight, and on and on and on. You might as well have heavy-metal music piped in through headphones while you’re trying to get your work done. You have to get things quiet in your head so you can hear your characters and let them guide your story. The best way to get quiet, other than the combination of extensive therapy, Prozac, and a lobotomy, is first to notice that the station is on. KFKD is on every single morning when I sit down at my desk. So I sit for a moment and then say a small prayer—please help me get out of the way so I can write what wants to be written. Sometimes ritual quiets the racket. Try it. Any number of things may work for you—an altar, for instance, or votive candles, sage smudges, small-animal sacrifices, especially now that the Supreme Court has legalized them. (I cut out the headline the day this news came out and taped it above the kitty’s water dish.) Rituals are a good signal to your unconscious that it is time to kick in. You might also consider trying to breathe. This is not something that I remember to do very often, and I do not normally like to hang around people who talk about slow conscious breathing; I start to worry that a nice long discussion of aromatherapy is right around the corner. But these slow conscious breathers are on to something, because if you try to follow your breath for a while, it will ground you in relative silence.
Lamott, Anne. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life (pp. 108-109). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
This is definitely not merely for writing.
K-FKD plays about everything.
How awful the world is. How superior WE are as opposed to THEM. Etc. How lethal and cruel and fascist certain very powerful groups are and how they are coming for us. Etc. Politics. Culture wars. Illness. Poverty. ALL OF IT.
Note that neither Lamott nor I are stating that Radio Station K-FKD is lying to you. Your brain is down right amazing at finding facts to support the noise it blares at you. In one of the last conversations I had with my cousin before he died, when he was extremely aware that this particular vacation was going to be his last, he talked about simply clearing his plate. Yes, he was going to die. Soon. Everyone knew it. He had had lots of plans and things to do and... and... and.... And simply dealing with all that, just the thoughts of it, were too much. He had to simply clear his plate. He only had time and energy to live. That was it. So he was simply there. He was happy to talk to his family. He was happy he was at the beach. He was happy the food was good. He was happy he had shade to keep him cool. He was happy the drugs were managing his pain pretty well at the moment. He was happy that it wasn't a surprise and he got to say goodbye - so that's what he did and it is all of what he did. He had emptied his plate to the bare essentials. Here, now, this is what I want, everything else is for later. That he was going to die was a plain and simple fact. It was true. He still had to turn K-FKD off to simply live while he could. Because letting it thunder in your head, non-stop, forever isn't living.
On the other hand, one of the things that definitely came up was that he was able to handle his death as gracefully as he did because it wasn't his first cancer bout. He had faced death before. He had dealt with all that it brings. Including mourning his health, vitality, and future. You can't turn K-FKD off by refusing to acknowledge the truth or saying that facts are lies. That actually turns the volume up. Sometimes the very thing you need to do to get the radio to turn down is to tune in and focus on it. These are the facts. This is true. This SUCKS. Let it play in both ears and just feel it. Let the brain do its work and mourn the horrors that are overwhelming you. Treat it like a song stuck in your head. You want it out, then you have to turn it on and let it play to the bitter end, uninterrupted. It's the full attention to the full run of it that lets your brain move on in the moment. So, when shit happens, if you want K-FKD to stop torturing you, you do have to mourn and do all that sucky psycho-bullshit-healing-feeling-pain. You have to tune into that track. Otherwise K-FKD will force you to listen to snippets on its own schedule FOREVER. Or at least until you do what is needed. And, unfortunately, the longer you let it play the K-FKD way, the harder it is to get to stop playing because our brains get used to the soundtrack. It grooves into the brain like a constant trickle of water carving out a canyon. It is counterintuitive but true, that it can be much better simply to let the land flood. It does a lot of damage but actually much less in the long run than the steady drip, drip, drip of K-FKD.
On the gripping hand, adding water, insult to injury, bathing in it and wallowing is iffy. It's good if it is tuning in and letting it flood so it can pass through your system more effectively. It's bad if it is a way to simply keep adding to the flood so it's steady waves rather than drips. That's how to wear away a continent rather than merely gouge a canyon.
So, for myself, I think my wisdom is telling me to disengage with politics right now. Consuming more politics is me trying to put out fire with gasoline. I am terrified and in mourning. I'm not terribly far out of my closet and am pondering how to stuff myself back in. I don't think that's healthy. Neither do I think it is healthy or safe to start throwing molotov's. That is why I went into the mental hospital the last time. I do not want to be that version of myself. Everyone else is going to have to make their own calculations but for my health and safety, I'm going to work on being as anti-political as I can on here. Acknowledging that it is probably going to be very difficult. I'll probably screw it up. But that's a problem for later me. Not now me. I'm going to try and trust them to have my back and work through their shit, then, the same way I'm trying to work through mine.
Then it is on to unfucking my life. Never fun. But I am now 7 days behind on NaNoWriMo. I've been in writing burnout for something longer than a decade. I NEED to write. I NEED to catch up. I NEED to reassert that portion of my identity before the failure to engage with it kills me. So I'm going to try to focus there for now. I'm going to try and tune into that with the energy I have been using for politics.
I called myself empty MANUSCRIPT for a reason. So I think it is time to empty my plate, turn off the radio, and focus on there for now. That's my first bird.
That's it.
I'll deal with whatever NEEDS to happen next after I get this cleared off my plate.
And I hope everyone else finds/gets what they need to survive the next few days, too, even if I don't say so elsewhere or elsewise.
4 notes
·
View notes